In thinking about my favorite guilty pleasures, I'd have to confess that "Starbucks" ranks pretty high on the list. In fact, as I write this post this morning, I am slurping on a home-brewed cup of Veranda Blonde (I don't typically prefer blondes, but in coffee, I do)! Upon realizing the amount of money from our weekly budget that had been going to support the $32 billion dollar company, I felt kind of sick--that money could be going to feed a hungry child. So I have made a recent, honest effort lately to not go to "Starbies," as I've coined it, quite so often just to limit the disgrace of that.
So why do I love Starbucks so much? Lots of simple reasons. First, I've never had a bad cup of coffee there. Regardless of what city in which I find myself, Starbucks coffee shops are pretty much all alike. You can order anything and trust that it will be exactly how it tastes at your own personal store. Secondly, the atmosphere is the same at pretty much every location. So you walk in and feel instantly at home. To a person who likes familiarity, this is a huge perk (pun intended). Thirdly, I love the people that work there. You rarely meet anyone there who isn't "over-the-top" friendly, professionally personable, or perhaps even funny. Matt and I have a special bond with a barista named, "Ben," who works at our favorite "Starbucks" in Lawrence. When he is there, it feels as if we've just seen a dear friend. If we haven't come in recently, he asks where we've been and what we've been up to lately. He calls us by name, and we do likewise with him. We also have a similar relationship to a guy that works in the "Starbucks" on the Country Club Plaza in KC. A couple of years ago, we were frequenting that store quite a lot, and so we got pretty friendly, comfortable, and recognizable there, as well. We actually ran into this particular guy recently at a Sporting KC soccer game--he recognized us, hadn't seen us in a while, and got out of his seat to come say hello to us just to ask us where we'd been lately. I've never experienced this kind of friendliness by people who are actually "strangers." I think Starbucks just knows how to hire genuinely good people. But it is truly nice to have a place to feel welcome in the cold, cruel world. Like the old TV show, "Cheers," I guess I just want to be like the character, "Norm," and have a place where everybody knows my name (or at least, someone knows it)! Fourthly, I love the music played at Starbucks. I have never heard anything but pleasingly pleasant tunes, spun at just the right volume level, should you desire to read or work while you're there. In fact, many of our newest iTunes purchases come from music we've heard at Starbucks. Along that note (pun intended, again), fifthly, I love Starbucks because you CAN read or work there. So many coffee shops have turned into social gathering spots (which is fine and well), but it is nice to have a place to work or read when I feel the need to change up my workspace locale. The people lingering there are almost always working, too, so it is usually very quiet. I just feel relaxed and immediately calm sitting in a Starbucks, which is kind of a paradoxical thing. Feeling relaxed while drinking a potion that typically hypes you up is kind of a quirky dichotomy. But nonetheless, it is how I feel when I am there. All of these things added together make the pricey "Starbies" java seem like a bargain, in my view. Great combo package wrapped up in a brown corrugated sleeve.
I can be having the worst day, and if I quietly enter a Starbucks, buy my favorite concoction, and sit down to read, pray, write, work, or catch up on email, I always walk out feeling refreshed. Just seeing the mermaid siren on the 40-year old, deep green company sign makes me happier. My husband says I am a dorky lush for Starbucks and that I could do ads for them. Maybe I am a dork--and I know I'm a lush for that coffee. But it is the simple things in life that bless you, and I praise God for Starbucks. So I flipped the good ol' Kansas motto of, "Ad Astra Per Aspera," for my title today (which we know means, "To the Stars Through Difficulty"). On difficult days, venture in for a correctly brewed cup of joe, and your view of life will heighten (and not just from the caffeine)!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Take Two a Day
Our Pastor, Jim Congdon, began a new sermon series last Sunday entitled, "All Things New: A New Testament Challenge." The challenge he issued to the congregation is for us to all read through the New Testament with him by the end of the year. The church even printed up these wonderful check-off cards for every day through December 31, 2012 so you can chart your progress (as a "do list" person, who gets a pathetically sad thrill checking off my lists, I loved this part)! He asked us to read approximately two chapters a day in order to meet the goal (with a few extra chapters tossed in occasionally for the mathematics of it all). Pastor Jim will in turn, preach each Sunday on the 14 or so chapters we've read that week prior. He asked us all to sincerely commit to doing this together as a church, and he prayed over us that we'd be able to do it faithfully. It seemed like a small commitment to make at the time--I mean, if we can't read two chapters a day, our lives are whirling out of control. Furthermore, if we can spend an hour a day on Facebook or on the computer in general, (which I would guess is a conservative estimate for the cumulative time most users probably spend per day), then we can surely find the time required to read two chapters of God's Word. On that happy note, if you're reading my daily blog religiously, but you don't make time to read God's Word daily, please STOP reading my blog til you do. This blog is more of an historical account or journal of my life than it is wisdom. It is mainly just my personal thoughts, feelings, and goofy stories! And though I try to put Scriptures into my blog regularly and in plenty, God's Word is UTTER WISDOM. You'll find pure and lasting truth in all 66 books and on every page. Parts of God's Blog have been around since before Christ walked the planet, and the Bible has been reported as the best selling Book of all time. My blog doesn't even have the honors of making it on the, "worst reads of all time list." Any wisdom I have came from God's Blog anyway, so go there first!
The main issue our church body will face in making this vow to truly dive into the Word together is that the enemy isn't going to like it. Our church reading the Word together faithfully and in unity will drive him bonkers! He will most certainly try to distract each of us from sticking to our said commitment (his plays and tactics are so readable and predictable--they are actually quite boring). Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." God's Word is powerful and life-changing. I'm pretty sure the devil isn't going to like that our church is making this pledge together because the benefits, blessings, and changes that are bound to occur in each of our personal lives, as well as, in our church as a whole, are going to be huge. God says so. He tells us His Word will rock our worlds, and the enemy wants to keep us as far from truth and God as possible. In fact, it is his life's mission. As 1 Peter 5:8 warns us: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." This verse tells us clearly that we are going to need disciplined self-control in our lives because we have an enemy who wants to take us down.
In his opening sermon last Sunday to kick-off this new challenge, Pastor Jim shared with us the stats from a study done on Bible reading in America by "Lifeway," a Christian Literature Co. in Nashville, TN. The study found that approximately 90% of Americans have at least one Bible in their home, around 80% of Americans say that it is the best book ever written and that it IS the Word of God, but only 10% have ever read it. If we really believe it is the best book ever written, and that it is the infallible, true Word of God, why don't we read it? We supposedly act on our beliefs. Worse, he shared that less than 20% of Christians who attend church regularly read the Bible during the week. So essentially, we who say we live and abide with Christ, aren't really soaking up His Words much more than the outside world that doesn't profess to live the Christian life. Is it any wonder the church has the same problems the world does, and doesn't really rank any better in divorce rates, addictions, and the like? God tells us His Word is life and breath to us, so if we're not reading it, we aren't going to be living the abundant life in Christ that we desperately need. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." If we want to live God-breathed lives, we have to be in His Word and hearing from Him daily.
Personally, when I am not in God's Word, I can tell it. My entire thought life suffers. I am more negative, more weary, and more caught up in things that just don't matter. If I'm not filling my mind with the Word of God, I will be filling my mind with something else that just doesn't satisfy. I am not someone who can just exist without stimulative thought--I hunger for it. I'm always reading or doing something to keep my brain occupied, and if it isn't reading God's Word, which is lasting and true, it is more than likely a total waste of my time. So this challenge is certainly convicting for me. But I also find it really thrilling. I feel like it is me versus the devil to do this~and I'm a fighter by nature. I've decided that I am going to seriously view this as a personal war. The enemy wants me to become disinterested and dissatisfied with God's Word. He wants to bring out my weakness and laugh when I fail. He wants to put stuff in my path to entice me to be distracted. He already has tried to do that this week in telling me there are things I need to read on the internet that would be of great interest to me. But I know better. The enemy loves to use "baiting" thoughts and words to distract us and steal our time and energy like a sneaky thief. But God's Word satisfies like no other words, and God not only knows what He's talking about on every subject, He tells the whole truth. His Words are not only stimulating and well-crafted, but His Truth feeds my soul and nurtures my heart. He is not only the best novelist, journalist, and letter-writer ever, but He is also the most honest, creative, and romantic poet you'll ever find. And He means every word. The "wisdom" (and other "stuff") spun viral every day on the internet by flawed human beings doesn't come close to comparing. I've got three and a half months to prove the enemy a liar and a loser, and I'm planning to do it.
Personally, I am already asking God for protection over my mind, heart, and life so that I can stick to my vow. The enemy aside, my flesh is weak. I thought about how Pastor Jim said for us to read "two chapters a day," and how it almost sounded like he was giving us an Rx when he said it. That is actually the perfect way to view it--God's Word will cure what ails you! Just as many of us have our little routines for personal health each day, (exercising, taking vitamins, and trying to eat right), we also need to remember to, "take two a day," and make this Book, that we Americans profess is the best book ever written and God's true Word, a part of our daily health, as well. Two chapters a day, and we're on our way.
The main issue our church body will face in making this vow to truly dive into the Word together is that the enemy isn't going to like it. Our church reading the Word together faithfully and in unity will drive him bonkers! He will most certainly try to distract each of us from sticking to our said commitment (his plays and tactics are so readable and predictable--they are actually quite boring). Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." God's Word is powerful and life-changing. I'm pretty sure the devil isn't going to like that our church is making this pledge together because the benefits, blessings, and changes that are bound to occur in each of our personal lives, as well as, in our church as a whole, are going to be huge. God says so. He tells us His Word will rock our worlds, and the enemy wants to keep us as far from truth and God as possible. In fact, it is his life's mission. As 1 Peter 5:8 warns us: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." This verse tells us clearly that we are going to need disciplined self-control in our lives because we have an enemy who wants to take us down.
In his opening sermon last Sunday to kick-off this new challenge, Pastor Jim shared with us the stats from a study done on Bible reading in America by "Lifeway," a Christian Literature Co. in Nashville, TN. The study found that approximately 90% of Americans have at least one Bible in their home, around 80% of Americans say that it is the best book ever written and that it IS the Word of God, but only 10% have ever read it. If we really believe it is the best book ever written, and that it is the infallible, true Word of God, why don't we read it? We supposedly act on our beliefs. Worse, he shared that less than 20% of Christians who attend church regularly read the Bible during the week. So essentially, we who say we live and abide with Christ, aren't really soaking up His Words much more than the outside world that doesn't profess to live the Christian life. Is it any wonder the church has the same problems the world does, and doesn't really rank any better in divorce rates, addictions, and the like? God tells us His Word is life and breath to us, so if we're not reading it, we aren't going to be living the abundant life in Christ that we desperately need. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." If we want to live God-breathed lives, we have to be in His Word and hearing from Him daily.
Personally, when I am not in God's Word, I can tell it. My entire thought life suffers. I am more negative, more weary, and more caught up in things that just don't matter. If I'm not filling my mind with the Word of God, I will be filling my mind with something else that just doesn't satisfy. I am not someone who can just exist without stimulative thought--I hunger for it. I'm always reading or doing something to keep my brain occupied, and if it isn't reading God's Word, which is lasting and true, it is more than likely a total waste of my time. So this challenge is certainly convicting for me. But I also find it really thrilling. I feel like it is me versus the devil to do this~and I'm a fighter by nature. I've decided that I am going to seriously view this as a personal war. The enemy wants me to become disinterested and dissatisfied with God's Word. He wants to bring out my weakness and laugh when I fail. He wants to put stuff in my path to entice me to be distracted. He already has tried to do that this week in telling me there are things I need to read on the internet that would be of great interest to me. But I know better. The enemy loves to use "baiting" thoughts and words to distract us and steal our time and energy like a sneaky thief. But God's Word satisfies like no other words, and God not only knows what He's talking about on every subject, He tells the whole truth. His Words are not only stimulating and well-crafted, but His Truth feeds my soul and nurtures my heart. He is not only the best novelist, journalist, and letter-writer ever, but He is also the most honest, creative, and romantic poet you'll ever find. And He means every word. The "wisdom" (and other "stuff") spun viral every day on the internet by flawed human beings doesn't come close to comparing. I've got three and a half months to prove the enemy a liar and a loser, and I'm planning to do it.
Personally, I am already asking God for protection over my mind, heart, and life so that I can stick to my vow. The enemy aside, my flesh is weak. I thought about how Pastor Jim said for us to read "two chapters a day," and how it almost sounded like he was giving us an Rx when he said it. That is actually the perfect way to view it--God's Word will cure what ails you! Just as many of us have our little routines for personal health each day, (exercising, taking vitamins, and trying to eat right), we also need to remember to, "take two a day," and make this Book, that we Americans profess is the best book ever written and God's true Word, a part of our daily health, as well. Two chapters a day, and we're on our way.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Flying Solo
I have blogged the previous two days about preferring God to people and desiring to, "fly solo," versus learning to lean on others. Today I will address this idea of aloneness and loneliness. The two are quite different. One is actually good and necessary for us at times, and the other is not.
Being alone is actually important and healthy for us in certain instances. It is something we choose to do. We all need space and time to rest, meditate, refresh ourselves, and to just have peaceful, still moments with God. Even Jesus took time by Himself for those purposes. In Mark 1:35, it says, "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed." In Luke 5:16, we read, "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." You can read many more passages about Jesus and others in the Bible who went off alone to pray, get a vision from God, gain wisdom or blessing from God, wrestle with God over a matter, and/or just refuel themselves (Matt. 6:6; 1 Tim. 5:5; Gen. 32:24; Exodus 24:2; Mark 1:45; 1 Kings 19:9,11; Daniel 10:8; Mark 4:10; Luke 9:36; Matt. 14:13, 23; Luke 4:42; John 6:15; Mark 6:30-32). It is obvious we need to take time to be alone with God. It is good for us. In our hurried, crazed, information-aged world, we all need some peace and quiet. For these purposes, flying solo is good and necessary.
Loneliness, however, is not a good thing. This is when we are spending too much time alone or when we feel and believe that no one is really there for us to support us. Loneliness is not a desired, sought-after choice. It is a mindset more than an actual, personal environmental status. As David laments in one of his many heart-felt Psalms, "Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life," (Psalms 142:4). Loneliness is nothing new--we've all experienced it. There are many valid circumstances for which people feel lonely or end up alone, and not by choice. Valid reasons people experience loneliness (NOT from their choosing), would be things like: loss of loved ones or close friends; betrayal by those who they thought would be faithful or would love them back; rejection; illness (mental or physical); lack of true friends (even when truly seeking them); mistrust of people based on previous experiences; and even standing up for Christ (as stated in Luke 6:22, "Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man,"). These are all understandable and reasonable catalysts for loneliness according to the Word, and you can find many Scriptures to support this. The good news is that God knows our hearts and the true source(s) of our loneliness. He loves those who belong to Him, and He promises to draw close to us when we are in grief or alone: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," Psalm 34:18. In Jeremiah 31:13 we read, "I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." Another great verse and promise is found in Psalms 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." If these aren't enough to lift your spirits, just Google, "Scriptures of comfort in times of sorrow, grief, or trouble." You will find hundreds of promises and amazing Scriptures of hope and power to lift yourself up out of the deep "pit" in which we find ourselves, at times (you know the one--the pit into which we usually fall without warning).
But sometimes, our feelings of being lonesome aren't valid. They are our own fault and oblivious choosing (or even cognizant choosing). Perhaps we are consumed by our own rebellion to not want to depend on others or be accountable to them for anything. Maybe we don't want to have to be reciprocal in love, kind word, or good deed to anyone (because we aren't "naturally encouraging" and people are just "too much trouble"). Perhaps we don't want others to know our "secrets sins" or personal flaws, so we fearfully avoid contact in order to "self-protect" (as John 3:20 states, "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed,"). Or maybe we are just too prideful to admit that we need people to help us at times. We also can have a tendency to be full of self-pity and self-absorption. The best cure for this kind of loneliness is to go help somebody else. As 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." Taking the focus off ourselves and putting it onto others not only cures the infection of self-absorption, but it is good karma, too (by "karma," I actually mean the sowing of good seeds that we are told about in Galatians 6:7, where we read, "A man reaps what he sows." I am not truly encouraging or referencing the "karma" of other false religions--you know the ones. The one concocted by one man and lacking in proof of fulfilled prophecy, and the one that uses spin-offs of the Bible and Christianity, and came into existence well after Christ's death and clear resurrection). Sorry--I shouldn't have gotten myself started on this path. My husband calls these my "bunny trails." Well, buy me some big ears and a carrot stick, baby. Here I go hippity hopping again.
But for valid loneliness (loneliness not chosen and not provoked by our own bad choices), we need to turn to God first and foremost. As James 4:8a states, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." In Hebrews 13:5b, God promises yet again, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Another great promise is declared in Psalms 72:12, "For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help." In 1 Peter 5:7 we read, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Furthermore, in Psalms 62:1, we read that God is the only One who can truly fill our voids and the deep places in us that need contentment and peace: " My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him."
Another answer to loneliness is that we need to be with other believers regularly. In Psalms 68:6 we read, "God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Even if your earthly, biological family isn't really there for you, you can have a spiritual, Godly family in a Bible-believing church where God can sustain you, bless you, encourage you, and remove sin and loneliness from your life. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I personally believe that the reason people are lonely today is because we don't trust each other, and sadly, with good reason. I have been witness too many times to the smugness and piety of fellow believers who upon hearing the struggles of another Christian declare that they, "just can't believe or understand that this person is battling such a thing." It is disgusting and horrific to see this, and we shouldn't be shocked by any sin in the church (not that I am condoning a laissez faire attitude about sin in the church). The enemy attacks us more than anybody--he hates the church and despises anyone who is seeking after God. But when a fellow believer takes the leap of faith to share their battle with sin in trust, we better lift them up in humility and fervent, prayerful support and counsel. We are pushing people away from God and away from us when we respond with an attitude of prideful bigotry. God warns us to be cautiously leery of this judgmental, hypocritical behavior because we are ALL susceptible to the same sins (Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted,"). We need to be there for each other in the good, the bad, and the ugly--without condemnation or disloyalty (and without prideful gossip masked as, "discussion of prayer items"). Again, we need each other, and we need to be safe places to land for one another as we fly together. Flying solo can be good and healthy for us at times; but not all times. In the words of my pastor, Jim Congdon, "If you want go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others."
Being alone is actually important and healthy for us in certain instances. It is something we choose to do. We all need space and time to rest, meditate, refresh ourselves, and to just have peaceful, still moments with God. Even Jesus took time by Himself for those purposes. In Mark 1:35, it says, "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed." In Luke 5:16, we read, "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." You can read many more passages about Jesus and others in the Bible who went off alone to pray, get a vision from God, gain wisdom or blessing from God, wrestle with God over a matter, and/or just refuel themselves (Matt. 6:6; 1 Tim. 5:5; Gen. 32:24; Exodus 24:2; Mark 1:45; 1 Kings 19:9,11; Daniel 10:8; Mark 4:10; Luke 9:36; Matt. 14:13, 23; Luke 4:42; John 6:15; Mark 6:30-32). It is obvious we need to take time to be alone with God. It is good for us. In our hurried, crazed, information-aged world, we all need some peace and quiet. For these purposes, flying solo is good and necessary.
Loneliness, however, is not a good thing. This is when we are spending too much time alone or when we feel and believe that no one is really there for us to support us. Loneliness is not a desired, sought-after choice. It is a mindset more than an actual, personal environmental status. As David laments in one of his many heart-felt Psalms, "Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life," (Psalms 142:4). Loneliness is nothing new--we've all experienced it. There are many valid circumstances for which people feel lonely or end up alone, and not by choice. Valid reasons people experience loneliness (NOT from their choosing), would be things like: loss of loved ones or close friends; betrayal by those who they thought would be faithful or would love them back; rejection; illness (mental or physical); lack of true friends (even when truly seeking them); mistrust of people based on previous experiences; and even standing up for Christ (as stated in Luke 6:22, "Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man,"). These are all understandable and reasonable catalysts for loneliness according to the Word, and you can find many Scriptures to support this. The good news is that God knows our hearts and the true source(s) of our loneliness. He loves those who belong to Him, and He promises to draw close to us when we are in grief or alone: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," Psalm 34:18. In Jeremiah 31:13 we read, "I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." Another great verse and promise is found in Psalms 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." If these aren't enough to lift your spirits, just Google, "Scriptures of comfort in times of sorrow, grief, or trouble." You will find hundreds of promises and amazing Scriptures of hope and power to lift yourself up out of the deep "pit" in which we find ourselves, at times (you know the one--the pit into which we usually fall without warning).
But sometimes, our feelings of being lonesome aren't valid. They are our own fault and oblivious choosing (or even cognizant choosing). Perhaps we are consumed by our own rebellion to not want to depend on others or be accountable to them for anything. Maybe we don't want to have to be reciprocal in love, kind word, or good deed to anyone (because we aren't "naturally encouraging" and people are just "too much trouble"). Perhaps we don't want others to know our "secrets sins" or personal flaws, so we fearfully avoid contact in order to "self-protect" (as John 3:20 states, "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed,"). Or maybe we are just too prideful to admit that we need people to help us at times. We also can have a tendency to be full of self-pity and self-absorption. The best cure for this kind of loneliness is to go help somebody else. As 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." Taking the focus off ourselves and putting it onto others not only cures the infection of self-absorption, but it is good karma, too (by "karma," I actually mean the sowing of good seeds that we are told about in Galatians 6:7, where we read, "A man reaps what he sows." I am not truly encouraging or referencing the "karma" of other false religions--you know the ones. The one concocted by one man and lacking in proof of fulfilled prophecy, and the one that uses spin-offs of the Bible and Christianity, and came into existence well after Christ's death and clear resurrection). Sorry--I shouldn't have gotten myself started on this path. My husband calls these my "bunny trails." Well, buy me some big ears and a carrot stick, baby. Here I go hippity hopping again.
But for valid loneliness (loneliness not chosen and not provoked by our own bad choices), we need to turn to God first and foremost. As James 4:8a states, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." In Hebrews 13:5b, God promises yet again, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Another great promise is declared in Psalms 72:12, "For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help." In 1 Peter 5:7 we read, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Furthermore, in Psalms 62:1, we read that God is the only One who can truly fill our voids and the deep places in us that need contentment and peace: " My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him."
Another answer to loneliness is that we need to be with other believers regularly. In Psalms 68:6 we read, "God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Even if your earthly, biological family isn't really there for you, you can have a spiritual, Godly family in a Bible-believing church where God can sustain you, bless you, encourage you, and remove sin and loneliness from your life. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I personally believe that the reason people are lonely today is because we don't trust each other, and sadly, with good reason. I have been witness too many times to the smugness and piety of fellow believers who upon hearing the struggles of another Christian declare that they, "just can't believe or understand that this person is battling such a thing." It is disgusting and horrific to see this, and we shouldn't be shocked by any sin in the church (not that I am condoning a laissez faire attitude about sin in the church). The enemy attacks us more than anybody--he hates the church and despises anyone who is seeking after God. But when a fellow believer takes the leap of faith to share their battle with sin in trust, we better lift them up in humility and fervent, prayerful support and counsel. We are pushing people away from God and away from us when we respond with an attitude of prideful bigotry. God warns us to be cautiously leery of this judgmental, hypocritical behavior because we are ALL susceptible to the same sins (Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted,"). We need to be there for each other in the good, the bad, and the ugly--without condemnation or disloyalty (and without prideful gossip masked as, "discussion of prayer items"). Again, we need each other, and we need to be safe places to land for one another as we fly together. Flying solo can be good and healthy for us at times; but not all times. In the words of my pastor, Jim Congdon, "If you want go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others."
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Learning to Lean
Yesterday I blogged at length (whew, sorry) about preferring God to people. I mentioned that one drawback of this is that we don't learn to lean on others in our time of need. When I analyze why I don't like to lean on others when I really ought to do so, it is usually for these reasons--I don't want to trouble anyone, I have a trust or fear issue with the idea, I am too proud to humble myself to ask for help, support, or advice, and/or I fear (again) that involving someone will just needlessly exacerbate the situation further. When an issue arises in my life, I usually first just pray on my own or with Matt, and look for answers or wisdom in the Word. Nine times out of ten, this works perfectly--and we are called to do this when we need wisdom, clarity, or a solution to a problem. But when it doesn't, it can seem easier sometimes to just try to carry it or bury it--even when we know we shouldn't do that and we many times do it without thinking. For many issues, reading your Bible and praying is all you really need--God is always there for us and He is our best source of strength, wisdom, and help in times of trouble. But sometimes, we need added support coupled with the prayer and Bible reading. As I quoted yesterday, there are many Scriptures in the Bible that confirm this fact--we need each other, and even God says so.
Last Saturday, Matt and I were strolling along Massachusetts Ave in Lawrence, as we often do on Saturdays. We'd gone to have a nice brunch and ran into some acquaintance friends from church. They were strolling, too, and so we stopped to chat. They are an absolutely darling and special family, and own and run two of our favorite restaurants in Lawrence. We love frequenting their establishments because it feels so great to financially support a Christian family--especially one as kind and genuine as they are (plus, Robert is a gourmet genius--their restaurants, "The Burger Stand at the Casbah" and "Esquina" are seriously creative cuisine at its finest! I give my highest culinary recommendations)! So we visited with them for quite a while, and enjoyed seeing their gorgeous, growing girls and meeting the family pooch. Lucy, their Border Collie, upon realizing my immediate love for her (I am a dog nut), came over to me and leaned heavily against my legs as I pet her. Being severe allergy sufferers, Matt and I cannot have a dog in the house. This is a sad thing for us because we truly love dogs. So we have to get our "doggy fixes" from other peoples' pooches--but I digress. Lucy was so adorably hilarious. She was literally putting her full weight on me while I pet her. They apologized that she was doing this and said, "This is just what she does if you show her any love at all! She is such a leaner! If you moved right now, she'd just fall over!" I agreed because though I've met other dogs that do this, no dog has ever leaned to Lucy's level--she might as well have been in my lap. It was super -cute! Suffice it to say, I have a lifelong friend in her now. I even told them that if they ever need a dog sitter that makes house visits, I am their girl. I'll take a Benadryl and be there with bells on for sure!
I thought about Lucy several times last week though (and not just how I really do hope this family will let me come care for their dog sometime)! I thought about how she trusted me enough to totally lean on me. She gave me her affection back with no thought of, "Who is this stranger that is petting me, and what is HER deal?" She was just happy to be receiving some love and was willing to return it with no caution whatsoever. That is the life of a dog--at least one that has been treated well. They are loyal and loving to a fault. To me, Lucy's "leaning" was a perfect picture and example of how we need to be able to lean on each other with no hidden "agendas," no doubts, and no fears. Just genuine, honest love and trust. Dogs are all about people--they just want to love and be loved. In the wild, they live in packs--they do not "fly solo," as I talked about yesterday. If we have people at all in our life upon whom we can truly lean, and fearlessly withhold nothing because we know they won't abuse us for it and will love us back, we are so very blessed. Richly blessed. It struck me that we will not only miss out on immense blessings in life if we don't learn to lean on others, but also if we don't learn how to be lean-able for others. We all need to be safe leaning posts--approachable, honest, kind, loving, trustworthy, and loyal. I thought about the verse in the Bible that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight," (Proverbs 3:5-6). Even if we aren't richly blessed with lots of people upon whom we can safely "lean," this verse reassures us that we can trust, love, and lean on God in ALL our ways. He is the safest leaning post of all.
Last Saturday, Matt and I were strolling along Massachusetts Ave in Lawrence, as we often do on Saturdays. We'd gone to have a nice brunch and ran into some acquaintance friends from church. They were strolling, too, and so we stopped to chat. They are an absolutely darling and special family, and own and run two of our favorite restaurants in Lawrence. We love frequenting their establishments because it feels so great to financially support a Christian family--especially one as kind and genuine as they are (plus, Robert is a gourmet genius--their restaurants, "The Burger Stand at the Casbah" and "Esquina" are seriously creative cuisine at its finest! I give my highest culinary recommendations)! So we visited with them for quite a while, and enjoyed seeing their gorgeous, growing girls and meeting the family pooch. Lucy, their Border Collie, upon realizing my immediate love for her (I am a dog nut), came over to me and leaned heavily against my legs as I pet her. Being severe allergy sufferers, Matt and I cannot have a dog in the house. This is a sad thing for us because we truly love dogs. So we have to get our "doggy fixes" from other peoples' pooches--but I digress. Lucy was so adorably hilarious. She was literally putting her full weight on me while I pet her. They apologized that she was doing this and said, "This is just what she does if you show her any love at all! She is such a leaner! If you moved right now, she'd just fall over!" I agreed because though I've met other dogs that do this, no dog has ever leaned to Lucy's level--she might as well have been in my lap. It was super -cute! Suffice it to say, I have a lifelong friend in her now. I even told them that if they ever need a dog sitter that makes house visits, I am their girl. I'll take a Benadryl and be there with bells on for sure!
I thought about Lucy several times last week though (and not just how I really do hope this family will let me come care for their dog sometime)! I thought about how she trusted me enough to totally lean on me. She gave me her affection back with no thought of, "Who is this stranger that is petting me, and what is HER deal?" She was just happy to be receiving some love and was willing to return it with no caution whatsoever. That is the life of a dog--at least one that has been treated well. They are loyal and loving to a fault. To me, Lucy's "leaning" was a perfect picture and example of how we need to be able to lean on each other with no hidden "agendas," no doubts, and no fears. Just genuine, honest love and trust. Dogs are all about people--they just want to love and be loved. In the wild, they live in packs--they do not "fly solo," as I talked about yesterday. If we have people at all in our life upon whom we can truly lean, and fearlessly withhold nothing because we know they won't abuse us for it and will love us back, we are so very blessed. Richly blessed. It struck me that we will not only miss out on immense blessings in life if we don't learn to lean on others, but also if we don't learn how to be lean-able for others. We all need to be safe leaning posts--approachable, honest, kind, loving, trustworthy, and loyal. I thought about the verse in the Bible that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight," (Proverbs 3:5-6). Even if we aren't richly blessed with lots of people upon whom we can safely "lean," this verse reassures us that we can trust, love, and lean on God in ALL our ways. He is the safest leaning post of all.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Preferring God to People
I had a friend years ago who laughingly admitted to me that she "prefers God to people." I had never before heard that phrase from anyone, and it cracked me up. She went on to say that she is not always very good with people--that she isn't a, "people person." I told her I begged to differ because she'd always been super great and relational to me. I asked her why she felt this way. She replied that people are "difficult at best" at times, and that God is unchanging, unfailing, and totally perfect. I agreed. God describes Himself most often in the Word as being the embodiment of "love." So how can people rank competitively when God possesses all those amazing traits and descriptors? Well, she's right. They can't.
Sadly, I totally related to her comment. I find myself at my happiest and most peaceful when I am alone with God. I just need a lot of space and quiet in my life, and when I don't get it, I feel overwhelmed. Some people fear being alone. Though I don't like the idea of growing old alone or dying alone, being alone is almost my favorite pattern of existence. I was an only child and I had an only child, so being around people all the time is actually rather foreign to me (and can be rather exhausting for me). I learned at a very young age to entertain myself and find creative ways to fill my time. Those are skills I still possess. Honestly, I am grateful to God that He has taught me how to flourish on my own without being overly co-dependent on anyone but Him. Naturally, I am somewhat dependent on my husband, Matt. He has been my dear friend since we were nine years old, and has been my best friend and the love of my life for more than a quarter of a century now. So my dependence on him is obviously rather high. But overall, I do just fine flying solo. In the words of my only child, Allie, who also functions well on her own, "As it turns out, I'm one of my favorite people to hang out with!" She kills me.
When Allie was about eleven years old or so, we were considering having another child. We'd paid off student loans, I'd used my teaching degree full-time for several years, and we felt like we could finally afford to do it fearlessly. It felt like the right time not only financially but seasonally, as well (we agreed we could afford for me to stay home with the baby, which we both felt was so important). So we began to pray about it and "try." Though not firmly set in our decision, we felt that by "trying" we were at least attempting to give God more leverage if it was in His plan, just in case (not that He, in His sovereignty, really needed us to do that--if He wants you to have a child, you'll have one)! So we would pray and agree to talk about it again in a month to see if we both agreed to go forward with the idea. But the deadline would arrive and we still wouldn't be unified (in fact, we'd flip-flop and be on opposite sides than we were the month prior)! So one night, in our discussion of trying to make a bonded decision, we asked Allie if she wanted a brother or sister (not that our 11-year old's opinion was really going to be our "deciding factor"). Her perky, polite, matter-of-fact reply was, "No, thank you! I'm good!" After several months of not agreeing, no "acts of God," and our daughter saying "no thanks" to the idea, we decided to call it quits and just keep our family the way it was--as the "three peas in a pod" and "three musketeers" we'd always been. Matt and I finally decided that "we were good," too. All that to say, our Allie has learned to "fly solo" quite well in her life, leaning on God (and her new husband, Kale, of course)!
At times, when God spurs me to get out of my comfort zone and befriend someone, I want to use my daughter's quote to Him and say, "No, thank you! I'm good!" But there are down sides to this personal preference of living. One is, you don't learn to lean on others very well. Sure, you have your handful of close relatives and a few close friends that you let into your private little world much more than others. But for the most part, you kind of keep people on the fringe. Even writing this blog was a huge step for me to, "put myself out there." When I think about why I prefer not to do that, it always boils down to one thing--fear. When you've been burned by enough people, you rationalize (sometimes without even realizing it) that it is easier to begin preferring God to people and "flying solo," instead of setting yourself up for more disappointment and pain. You also realize as you get to know people that no one is really "normal"--I mean who are we kidding? Everyone has their issues, struggles, and personality flaws. Some of us are just more functionally dysfunctional than others! Plus, other people's expectations of you can be rather high, as well--and you may not want or even be able to fulfill them (maybe you do, but you're scared you won't). People are work, and we don't always want to have to work at something. We'd rather keep to ourselves and not have any new baggage or burdens with which to contend. So we view people as "problematic" at times, and we "prefer God" instead. God is perfect and He is always there with us--energizing, refueling, and strengthening us. People, on the other hand, can drain us dry. God doesn't hurt or fail us--people do. God is always trustworthy, and the loyalty of others can wax and wane (for a whole plethora of reasons).
Clearly, we need God in our life much more than people. But God says we need Him so we can be strengthened in our servitude to others, as well as, in our relationships with them. We are not called and equipped to be islands. We are ALL called to be encouraging and in service to one another (not just those blessed with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and/or mercy)! God's Word says plainly and early on in Gen 2:18, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" Also in 1 Corinthians 12, we read about how in the body of Christ we all have a part to play, and we all are in need of the other parts (people) in the body in order to be whole. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-16, we read, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In Hebrews 10:25, we are told to not give up meeting together with our fellow believers, but to continue to encourage each other, especially as the end nears. We see clearly in all these verses that we were not meant to live secluded lives, avoiding people at all cost--in actuality, we need each other.
We can use the reason that we "prefer God" as an excuse to keep ourselves guarded from the trouble that inevitably comes when you truly let people into your life. We can even begin to think we are more "spiritual" for avoiding all that trouble and nonsense in order to focus more fully on Him. I personally, have found myself flat out telling God that if He desires for me to be more involved with people, then He is going to have to either toughen my skin or make people a lot easier and nicer to be around! But God showed me recently that He doesn't desire that I have a "tougher skin"--quite the contrary. What He desires is for me to just love people with a reckless abandon to the point that I cannot be so easily hurt by them because my focus is on them and their needs. When I view others as higher than myself, and seek to love and fill them, not looking to receive anything back and not expecting much, people cannot disappoint or hurt you so easily (and when they do decide to reciprocate your love, you feel especially blessed, overjoyed, and surprised that anyone would be so loving back to you). But being repeatedly and profusely hurt by others is really only something that occurs if you sign off on it. You have the power to decide to allow that to take place. Sure, when someone hurts us, we may have a right to have that hurt initially, and many times, it isn't our fault that we're hurt. Problems are just a part of life, and the feelings we have in reaction are God-given. Furthermore, it is completely ridiculous to think we should never expect things from each other--certainly reasonable things. We should expect things at times, just as God expects some things of each of us in our walk with Him. But we cannot hold onto the hurts we suffer from others, and we have to decide how to handle it so that we do not harbor them.
Sometimes when we cannot get past the pain dealt to us from others, it is best to forgive them and move on from the relationship (as I've blogged about previously). Perhaps all that God wanted you to give them or glean from them has taken place. Some relationships are definitely seasonal. When you are not a big "change" person, and when you are someone who loves people pretty easily and rather excessively sometimes, you tend to want to cling to all relationships. It is difficult to view people as, "seasonal." I know God knows this about me, and that He loves that I value those He created in His image as much I do. But God says some relationships are just that--seasonal. I am relearning this truth, yet again. Balancing God's desire for me to love with a reckless abandon (and not get a "tough skin"), but also with a guarded, practical mindset about the reality and different purposes of relationships, is a hard balance for me. I confess that I recently told God that it is too hard. I have told Him that what He is asking is a flat-out contradiction--loving with a reckless abandon but letting go, too? How do I love people like that and at the same time, view them as replaceable, seasonal, and temporal, just in case that is in His plan for that relationship? That is something about which I will continue to pray and ponder. Thank goodness He isn't afraid when we argue with Him and take a while to figure things out.
Obviously, we cannot use a bad relational experience as an excuse to not try again at relationships, not trust again, and to become a "loaner." God wants us to learn all we can from the bad relationships so we can react better the next time and make wiser choices at the start (or perhaps the experience was a test by God on our ability to love the "unlovable" or on our ability to love unconditionally--if so, any love we've dealt is not a waste. He will bless us for it)! We also learn a great deal about how to treat others by those who have done us wrongly (and by those who have done us right, for that matter). I don't think we value and fully appreciate the great relationships we find or have if we don't have anything less than great in which to compare them. But it isn't wise or fair to transfer the bad stuff we have experienced in challenging relationships onto everyone else we meet. People are all very different. At times it can feel like we are shopping for the perfect pair of jeans--it is costly, we don't really like it, and we may even fear it. We think we'll never find the right pair. But then all of a sudden, shazam! We find it--and we are blessed immeasurably with just the right fit! People are like that, too. We can't expect that every person that enters our life will be a forever bosom buddy or the perfect, lifelong fit. It just doesn't work that way and it isn't realistic. But if we don't put ourselves out there, we'll never find people that are the right fit and we can sure miss out on some tremendous blessings by living "loaner" existences. We have to be willing to do some "people shopping" from time to time--not only in order to be used by God more than just a handful of times in life, but also to be blessed by Him from the stuff we learn in new relationships. People are well-springs of knowledge. Everyone has traveled different paths with greatly varying experiences. The scope of their unique intellect and the myriad of their personalities is vastly interesting. I have never met and befriended anyone from whom I didn't learn something.
God wants to bless us for moving forward in trust with Him, as well. As His Word states in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." God does not want us to be fearful of relationships or in bondage to them, either. He has called every believer to ministry and to the worldwide spreading of the Gospel (Matt. 28:19-20). If we fear people, or on the flip-side, if we are spinning our wheels in profitless relationships, we cannot do the ministry to which we are called. People are our ministry. I have thought a lot recently about how God says He created us in His image (Gen. 1:27). I am guessing that He doesn't just mean physical image. If that's true, then we are also supposed to be the embodiment of love to each other, just as He is to us (1 Jo. 4:8). We should all strive for His character traits in our own lives. I have posted and blogged about love, and how when you show truly sacrificial love to someone, you get nothing out of it (other than the good feeling that accompanies it). If we all loved each other in that way, we'd all have our expectations met, and no one would feel the need to declare that they, "prefer God to people." Real love is life-giving, it isn't life-receiving. I have to remember this in my own dealings with others often because it is easy to genuinely love without receiving for a while--maybe even a long while. But after a time, it is human to expect some reciprocation. But reciprocation isn't always the way it goes down, even if ideally it should be. The challenge there is to keep yourself in check and not let that imbalance taint the relationship (which it many times does and will inevitably destroy it if prolonged). When I genuinely love someone, I just love them for them--not for me or what I can get out of it. But if someone is consistently not reciprocating, it could be a sign you need to move on and give love to someone who cares to receive it. Even God "lets go" and "moves on" when people don't reciprocate His love, repeatedly turn away from Him, and reject Him or His truths (Romans 1).
God does want us to prefer Him to people. But we shouldn't prefer being by ourselves to loving others out of fear and past failures. Just as the old saying about J-O-Y goes, "J-Jesus first, O-Others second, and Y-Yourself last." John 13:34 sums it up well: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Sadly, I totally related to her comment. I find myself at my happiest and most peaceful when I am alone with God. I just need a lot of space and quiet in my life, and when I don't get it, I feel overwhelmed. Some people fear being alone. Though I don't like the idea of growing old alone or dying alone, being alone is almost my favorite pattern of existence. I was an only child and I had an only child, so being around people all the time is actually rather foreign to me (and can be rather exhausting for me). I learned at a very young age to entertain myself and find creative ways to fill my time. Those are skills I still possess. Honestly, I am grateful to God that He has taught me how to flourish on my own without being overly co-dependent on anyone but Him. Naturally, I am somewhat dependent on my husband, Matt. He has been my dear friend since we were nine years old, and has been my best friend and the love of my life for more than a quarter of a century now. So my dependence on him is obviously rather high. But overall, I do just fine flying solo. In the words of my only child, Allie, who also functions well on her own, "As it turns out, I'm one of my favorite people to hang out with!" She kills me.
When Allie was about eleven years old or so, we were considering having another child. We'd paid off student loans, I'd used my teaching degree full-time for several years, and we felt like we could finally afford to do it fearlessly. It felt like the right time not only financially but seasonally, as well (we agreed we could afford for me to stay home with the baby, which we both felt was so important). So we began to pray about it and "try." Though not firmly set in our decision, we felt that by "trying" we were at least attempting to give God more leverage if it was in His plan, just in case (not that He, in His sovereignty, really needed us to do that--if He wants you to have a child, you'll have one)! So we would pray and agree to talk about it again in a month to see if we both agreed to go forward with the idea. But the deadline would arrive and we still wouldn't be unified (in fact, we'd flip-flop and be on opposite sides than we were the month prior)! So one night, in our discussion of trying to make a bonded decision, we asked Allie if she wanted a brother or sister (not that our 11-year old's opinion was really going to be our "deciding factor"). Her perky, polite, matter-of-fact reply was, "No, thank you! I'm good!" After several months of not agreeing, no "acts of God," and our daughter saying "no thanks" to the idea, we decided to call it quits and just keep our family the way it was--as the "three peas in a pod" and "three musketeers" we'd always been. Matt and I finally decided that "we were good," too. All that to say, our Allie has learned to "fly solo" quite well in her life, leaning on God (and her new husband, Kale, of course)!
At times, when God spurs me to get out of my comfort zone and befriend someone, I want to use my daughter's quote to Him and say, "No, thank you! I'm good!" But there are down sides to this personal preference of living. One is, you don't learn to lean on others very well. Sure, you have your handful of close relatives and a few close friends that you let into your private little world much more than others. But for the most part, you kind of keep people on the fringe. Even writing this blog was a huge step for me to, "put myself out there." When I think about why I prefer not to do that, it always boils down to one thing--fear. When you've been burned by enough people, you rationalize (sometimes without even realizing it) that it is easier to begin preferring God to people and "flying solo," instead of setting yourself up for more disappointment and pain. You also realize as you get to know people that no one is really "normal"--I mean who are we kidding? Everyone has their issues, struggles, and personality flaws. Some of us are just more functionally dysfunctional than others! Plus, other people's expectations of you can be rather high, as well--and you may not want or even be able to fulfill them (maybe you do, but you're scared you won't). People are work, and we don't always want to have to work at something. We'd rather keep to ourselves and not have any new baggage or burdens with which to contend. So we view people as "problematic" at times, and we "prefer God" instead. God is perfect and He is always there with us--energizing, refueling, and strengthening us. People, on the other hand, can drain us dry. God doesn't hurt or fail us--people do. God is always trustworthy, and the loyalty of others can wax and wane (for a whole plethora of reasons).
Clearly, we need God in our life much more than people. But God says we need Him so we can be strengthened in our servitude to others, as well as, in our relationships with them. We are not called and equipped to be islands. We are ALL called to be encouraging and in service to one another (not just those blessed with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and/or mercy)! God's Word says plainly and early on in Gen 2:18, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" Also in 1 Corinthians 12, we read about how in the body of Christ we all have a part to play, and we all are in need of the other parts (people) in the body in order to be whole. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-16, we read, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In Hebrews 10:25, we are told to not give up meeting together with our fellow believers, but to continue to encourage each other, especially as the end nears. We see clearly in all these verses that we were not meant to live secluded lives, avoiding people at all cost--in actuality, we need each other.
We can use the reason that we "prefer God" as an excuse to keep ourselves guarded from the trouble that inevitably comes when you truly let people into your life. We can even begin to think we are more "spiritual" for avoiding all that trouble and nonsense in order to focus more fully on Him. I personally, have found myself flat out telling God that if He desires for me to be more involved with people, then He is going to have to either toughen my skin or make people a lot easier and nicer to be around! But God showed me recently that He doesn't desire that I have a "tougher skin"--quite the contrary. What He desires is for me to just love people with a reckless abandon to the point that I cannot be so easily hurt by them because my focus is on them and their needs. When I view others as higher than myself, and seek to love and fill them, not looking to receive anything back and not expecting much, people cannot disappoint or hurt you so easily (and when they do decide to reciprocate your love, you feel especially blessed, overjoyed, and surprised that anyone would be so loving back to you). But being repeatedly and profusely hurt by others is really only something that occurs if you sign off on it. You have the power to decide to allow that to take place. Sure, when someone hurts us, we may have a right to have that hurt initially, and many times, it isn't our fault that we're hurt. Problems are just a part of life, and the feelings we have in reaction are God-given. Furthermore, it is completely ridiculous to think we should never expect things from each other--certainly reasonable things. We should expect things at times, just as God expects some things of each of us in our walk with Him. But we cannot hold onto the hurts we suffer from others, and we have to decide how to handle it so that we do not harbor them.
Sometimes when we cannot get past the pain dealt to us from others, it is best to forgive them and move on from the relationship (as I've blogged about previously). Perhaps all that God wanted you to give them or glean from them has taken place. Some relationships are definitely seasonal. When you are not a big "change" person, and when you are someone who loves people pretty easily and rather excessively sometimes, you tend to want to cling to all relationships. It is difficult to view people as, "seasonal." I know God knows this about me, and that He loves that I value those He created in His image as much I do. But God says some relationships are just that--seasonal. I am relearning this truth, yet again. Balancing God's desire for me to love with a reckless abandon (and not get a "tough skin"), but also with a guarded, practical mindset about the reality and different purposes of relationships, is a hard balance for me. I confess that I recently told God that it is too hard. I have told Him that what He is asking is a flat-out contradiction--loving with a reckless abandon but letting go, too? How do I love people like that and at the same time, view them as replaceable, seasonal, and temporal, just in case that is in His plan for that relationship? That is something about which I will continue to pray and ponder. Thank goodness He isn't afraid when we argue with Him and take a while to figure things out.
Obviously, we cannot use a bad relational experience as an excuse to not try again at relationships, not trust again, and to become a "loaner." God wants us to learn all we can from the bad relationships so we can react better the next time and make wiser choices at the start (or perhaps the experience was a test by God on our ability to love the "unlovable" or on our ability to love unconditionally--if so, any love we've dealt is not a waste. He will bless us for it)! We also learn a great deal about how to treat others by those who have done us wrongly (and by those who have done us right, for that matter). I don't think we value and fully appreciate the great relationships we find or have if we don't have anything less than great in which to compare them. But it isn't wise or fair to transfer the bad stuff we have experienced in challenging relationships onto everyone else we meet. People are all very different. At times it can feel like we are shopping for the perfect pair of jeans--it is costly, we don't really like it, and we may even fear it. We think we'll never find the right pair. But then all of a sudden, shazam! We find it--and we are blessed immeasurably with just the right fit! People are like that, too. We can't expect that every person that enters our life will be a forever bosom buddy or the perfect, lifelong fit. It just doesn't work that way and it isn't realistic. But if we don't put ourselves out there, we'll never find people that are the right fit and we can sure miss out on some tremendous blessings by living "loaner" existences. We have to be willing to do some "people shopping" from time to time--not only in order to be used by God more than just a handful of times in life, but also to be blessed by Him from the stuff we learn in new relationships. People are well-springs of knowledge. Everyone has traveled different paths with greatly varying experiences. The scope of their unique intellect and the myriad of their personalities is vastly interesting. I have never met and befriended anyone from whom I didn't learn something.
God wants to bless us for moving forward in trust with Him, as well. As His Word states in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." God does not want us to be fearful of relationships or in bondage to them, either. He has called every believer to ministry and to the worldwide spreading of the Gospel (Matt. 28:19-20). If we fear people, or on the flip-side, if we are spinning our wheels in profitless relationships, we cannot do the ministry to which we are called. People are our ministry. I have thought a lot recently about how God says He created us in His image (Gen. 1:27). I am guessing that He doesn't just mean physical image. If that's true, then we are also supposed to be the embodiment of love to each other, just as He is to us (1 Jo. 4:8). We should all strive for His character traits in our own lives. I have posted and blogged about love, and how when you show truly sacrificial love to someone, you get nothing out of it (other than the good feeling that accompanies it). If we all loved each other in that way, we'd all have our expectations met, and no one would feel the need to declare that they, "prefer God to people." Real love is life-giving, it isn't life-receiving. I have to remember this in my own dealings with others often because it is easy to genuinely love without receiving for a while--maybe even a long while. But after a time, it is human to expect some reciprocation. But reciprocation isn't always the way it goes down, even if ideally it should be. The challenge there is to keep yourself in check and not let that imbalance taint the relationship (which it many times does and will inevitably destroy it if prolonged). When I genuinely love someone, I just love them for them--not for me or what I can get out of it. But if someone is consistently not reciprocating, it could be a sign you need to move on and give love to someone who cares to receive it. Even God "lets go" and "moves on" when people don't reciprocate His love, repeatedly turn away from Him, and reject Him or His truths (Romans 1).
God does want us to prefer Him to people. But we shouldn't prefer being by ourselves to loving others out of fear and past failures. Just as the old saying about J-O-Y goes, "J-Jesus first, O-Others second, and Y-Yourself last." John 13:34 sums it up well: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Friday, September 7, 2012
Wedding Woes to Happy Glows
Last year at this time, if you had asked me how I was doing, I
would not have replied positively (or I would have been lying). I was about as worn out as I have ever
been. 2011 was just an all-around stressful, hard year for me. My longest friend, and one of the
best, dearest friends of my life, died of cancer after a seven year battle, in February of 2011. So we started the year off with a bang. I then
spent nearly three months with an upper respiratory infection from hell (more than likely brought on from the grief of that loss). I
literally had to be on three rounds of meds--the virus morphed from the
flu, into a horrific sinus infection, into severe bronchitis, and then into the start
of pneumonia. I don't think I've ever been sicker. I also had some
other serious, personal disappointments, and stresses that were afflicting and distracting me. On top of all that, I was planning my daughter's dream
wedding.
Our daughter, Allie, was working in Dallas as an Admissions Rep for KSU, and was working 14-16 hour days. Trying to plan a wedding together for 400 people, at a distance of eight hours, was no easy task for the two of us. On top of the distance, Allie was flat beat. She was jumping airplanes on a weekly basis for her job and living out of hotels nearly 80% of her work week. So the wedding planning was mostly on me and we had to be quite creative in communicating to get things decided and accomplished (thank God for technology). It was exhausting and frustrating most days, at best. She and I had never really had trying issues in our relationship as mother and daughter, but the stress of the wedding planning at such a distance was creating them, at times (our personality differences were exposed to us quite frequently, as they often are when you work closely with someone). Trying to get and keep myself healthy, grieve the losses I was profusely grieving, and plan a party for 400 people was just overwhelming--especially when I am NOT a Martha Stewart hospitalitarian! Suffice it to say, I rarely had time for myself, gained ten pounds, and didn't sleep well all year. I also acquired a new frown line that wasn't there prior. Great souvenir from the year from hell.
Add to all that, the fact that we had some glitches in the wedding planning--quite a few of them--and it really became the perfect storm for this recovering perfectionist. Our caterer, with whom I had spent many hours and much preparation lining out details for the big day, and who was doing everything from the cake, punch, and mints, to the appetizers, beverages, and full-on beef brisket dinner, cancelled on us less than four months prior to the wedding due to her mother having cancer (which is somewhat understandable, but still, quite stressful and unexpected for the client). If you have ever planned a huge wedding, you know that finding a caterer for 400 people and lining them out with all the specific details is not something you can do easily inside of four months--especially when your do list for that remaining four months is filled with many other things that have to be done at that time. We then had issues with the bridesmaids' dresses being literally more than two sizes too big for all six bridesmaids. This posed significant issues with the alterations. Next, we had major issues with the printing of the wedding invitations. We had to scramble numerous times (did I say numerous times?) to find more invitations and get them reprinted correctly (and invites aren't cheap--even the first time around). Because I had purchased them early, and thinking I was going to be "ahead of the game" in so doing, they were discontinued by the time we printed them. So this proved to be a colossal mistake because once we began having printing issues, we had to go on numerous wild-goose chases to locate more, and we wasted a great deal of time and money when it was all said and done. We then had numerous invites get inexplicably lost in the mail. So we were back to trying to find more of them, yet again, and reprint the darn things. I say they were inexplicably lost, but I still believe wholeheartedly, that it was the grouchy girl at the Post Office, who could tell I was annoyed that she wasn't moving very quickly, who "lost" them. I tried to hide my annoyance, but I suck at that--and she could smell it. I think it made her move even slower. If she had moved any slower, she would have been moving backwards in time! I had stood in line for over 20 minutes, and the line wasn't even that long. She was going to cause me to miss the postal truck pick-up guy, who was now outside and about to leave. I recall her snotty smart remark of, "Oh...is the perfect bride going to miss out on her perfect deadline mailing date today???" I clarified that they were my daughter's invites, and that yes, I was stressed. Since she was the size of a sumo wrestler and had no ring on her finger, I'm guessing she might have been a little bitter (sorry, still needing to vent, I guess). I knew as I walked out that I couldn't trust her to take all those boxes of invites out to the postal carrier, as she said she would do. But I still gave them to her. Yet another big mistake on my part. Not only did none of them get mailed that day, but I honestly believe she put some in the trash. Bad karma, honey.
I recall quoting Steve Martin from the movie, "Father of the Bride," repeatedly throughout my year as wedding planner. In fact, one incident in the movie became my personal motto. There is a scene where he is "losing it" with the costs of the wedding. So he goes to the store to get away from it all and get stuff for dinner (wearing his tacky, goofy, outdated tux that he insists he is wearing to the wedding to save money, though it no longer fits). At the store, he vents his anger at the fact that he cannot buy eight hotdogs and eight hotdog buns. So he "removes the superfluous buns," much to the chagrin of the store manager, who upon argument, has him arrested and thrown in jail for doing so. It is just hilarious. We watched this flick one night with Allie right before her wedding for fun, and boy, could I so relate to the feelings Steve Martin expresses in the film--all the emotions from, "How is my baby girl old enough to be leaving us?," to, "This is costing us WHAT??!!" Big weddings are complex beasts for sure--I think I had sticker-shock the entire year. So, during my full-time career as wedding planner last year, my personal motto for frustration-venting was, "If one more thing goes wrong, I'm goin' to jail for hotdog buns!" My husband and I would always laugh, and the motto worked nicely to bring lightness to heavy situations. Another one of my personal faves was, "If things don't improve quickly, the MOB is going AWOL." (MOB stands for "mother of the bride"). If you can't laugh, you're just grouchy--or worse, you cry. Might as well laugh. It supposedly causes less wrinkles.
I'd like to be able to say that the wedding day was perfect. But just as everyone warned me, there were glitches then, as well. The first big one was when I dumped scalding hot, WHITE candle wax down the front of my BLACK skirt and my arm at the church. We had just finished all the wedding photos after the ceremony (thank God), and were taking things down and packing them up to transport them to the reception hall (where we were going to reuse some of the decorations and all the flowers). Without thinking about the fact that the candles had been lit for nearly three hours, and in a big flurry (in true Steph form, that is), I blew out the two huge altar candles and grabbed them with the intent of packing them back in their boxes. As I did so, the scorching hot, VERY WHITE candle wax, that had pooled in an amount equivalent to two cups of wax, rolled down my arm and the entire front of my skirt. My friend, Christine, who was one of my bridal helpers that day, looked at my face, and said in a calm, but memorably comical tone, "We're not gonna freak out!!" She immediately gets another friend of mine to Google how to get candle wax out of fabric, and the next thing I know, they've whisked me downstairs to the bridal room, got me out of my skirt, and are magically lifting the candle wax out of it with a hot, dry iron and white tissue paper. It was incredible. Being stripped down to my Spanx panty hose on my daughter's wedding day in front of God and everyone sure wasn't in my dreamy, perfect plan for the day--I didn't see that one coming at all! But God was good. Watching my three card party friends rush around to take care of me was actually a really special blessing for me that day--I'll never forget it. And my skirt looked like nothing had even happened when they were finished. Also quite mysteriously, my arm, that should have had first degree burns on it, was totally fine. I had scraped a ton of the dried wax off of it, and there was not one sign that I had poured scalding hot wax on myself. God just sheltered me, helped me not to even flip out at all (which would be my normal reaction), and gave me three great friends to step up to the plate in my hour of need and rescue me. I marveled.
There were a few other issues that day. Nothing too major, and we handled it and moved on to enjoy the festivities. Overall, it was just the best day of all our lives--Matt and I still say that (as do Allie and Kale). I told myself in the hotel that morning while getting myself ready, "Steph, things aren't going to go perfectly, and it doesn't matter. This is Allie's day. You two have worked far too hard to not enjoy every second. So that is what you are going to do. You are going to relish, cherish, and treasure every second. Who cares if the church burns to the ground. 'This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!'" And I did. I felt so joyful that entire day that I recall the next day as we drove home, thinking and praying, "God, if you don't ever answer another prayer for me in my life, I am good. Anything else is just icing on the cake, pun intended (yes, I even attempt to be humorous with God). Allie marrying a Godly, pure man, and remaining pure herself for her wedding night, is all I need." And I meant it. I have never felt so content.
My lifelong prayers had been answered. My daughter's day had turned into the best day in our little family's history (and I didn't even need any sedatives or bourbon--joking, of course). It was the best feeling in the world though. My year of horror and stress with the wedding planning had paid off immensely. God had helped me pull it off. He had given me the strength and ability to do everything I had done--He even worked out the kinks when they occurred. We were able to enjoy a spectacularly special, joyful occasion, and what a celebration it was! I still have people say to me, "That was the nicest wedding we've ever attended," and, "I've never seen such a fun wedding dance--everyone had a blast at that wedding!" God is so good. Why did I not trust Him more in the valleys of it all? I am ashamed to admit that I slept so poorly last year, worrying about stupid things that weren't worthy of the strain I put on myself. Doubting my ability and strength to pull off that wedding. Doubting that it would be a grand day and live up to Allie's expectations. Doubting a lot of things. And God still came through for me though I doubted. I should never have fretted over any of those things, knowing the faithfulness of the One who provides and enables us to do everything we do. I love Him so much. He is faithful even when we are not. Praise be to God.
Our daughter, Allie, was working in Dallas as an Admissions Rep for KSU, and was working 14-16 hour days. Trying to plan a wedding together for 400 people, at a distance of eight hours, was no easy task for the two of us. On top of the distance, Allie was flat beat. She was jumping airplanes on a weekly basis for her job and living out of hotels nearly 80% of her work week. So the wedding planning was mostly on me and we had to be quite creative in communicating to get things decided and accomplished (thank God for technology). It was exhausting and frustrating most days, at best. She and I had never really had trying issues in our relationship as mother and daughter, but the stress of the wedding planning at such a distance was creating them, at times (our personality differences were exposed to us quite frequently, as they often are when you work closely with someone). Trying to get and keep myself healthy, grieve the losses I was profusely grieving, and plan a party for 400 people was just overwhelming--especially when I am NOT a Martha Stewart hospitalitarian! Suffice it to say, I rarely had time for myself, gained ten pounds, and didn't sleep well all year. I also acquired a new frown line that wasn't there prior. Great souvenir from the year from hell.
Add to all that, the fact that we had some glitches in the wedding planning--quite a few of them--and it really became the perfect storm for this recovering perfectionist. Our caterer, with whom I had spent many hours and much preparation lining out details for the big day, and who was doing everything from the cake, punch, and mints, to the appetizers, beverages, and full-on beef brisket dinner, cancelled on us less than four months prior to the wedding due to her mother having cancer (which is somewhat understandable, but still, quite stressful and unexpected for the client). If you have ever planned a huge wedding, you know that finding a caterer for 400 people and lining them out with all the specific details is not something you can do easily inside of four months--especially when your do list for that remaining four months is filled with many other things that have to be done at that time. We then had issues with the bridesmaids' dresses being literally more than two sizes too big for all six bridesmaids. This posed significant issues with the alterations. Next, we had major issues with the printing of the wedding invitations. We had to scramble numerous times (did I say numerous times?) to find more invitations and get them reprinted correctly (and invites aren't cheap--even the first time around). Because I had purchased them early, and thinking I was going to be "ahead of the game" in so doing, they were discontinued by the time we printed them. So this proved to be a colossal mistake because once we began having printing issues, we had to go on numerous wild-goose chases to locate more, and we wasted a great deal of time and money when it was all said and done. We then had numerous invites get inexplicably lost in the mail. So we were back to trying to find more of them, yet again, and reprint the darn things. I say they were inexplicably lost, but I still believe wholeheartedly, that it was the grouchy girl at the Post Office, who could tell I was annoyed that she wasn't moving very quickly, who "lost" them. I tried to hide my annoyance, but I suck at that--and she could smell it. I think it made her move even slower. If she had moved any slower, she would have been moving backwards in time! I had stood in line for over 20 minutes, and the line wasn't even that long. She was going to cause me to miss the postal truck pick-up guy, who was now outside and about to leave. I recall her snotty smart remark of, "Oh...is the perfect bride going to miss out on her perfect deadline mailing date today???" I clarified that they were my daughter's invites, and that yes, I was stressed. Since she was the size of a sumo wrestler and had no ring on her finger, I'm guessing she might have been a little bitter (sorry, still needing to vent, I guess). I knew as I walked out that I couldn't trust her to take all those boxes of invites out to the postal carrier, as she said she would do. But I still gave them to her. Yet another big mistake on my part. Not only did none of them get mailed that day, but I honestly believe she put some in the trash. Bad karma, honey.
I recall quoting Steve Martin from the movie, "Father of the Bride," repeatedly throughout my year as wedding planner. In fact, one incident in the movie became my personal motto. There is a scene where he is "losing it" with the costs of the wedding. So he goes to the store to get away from it all and get stuff for dinner (wearing his tacky, goofy, outdated tux that he insists he is wearing to the wedding to save money, though it no longer fits). At the store, he vents his anger at the fact that he cannot buy eight hotdogs and eight hotdog buns. So he "removes the superfluous buns," much to the chagrin of the store manager, who upon argument, has him arrested and thrown in jail for doing so. It is just hilarious. We watched this flick one night with Allie right before her wedding for fun, and boy, could I so relate to the feelings Steve Martin expresses in the film--all the emotions from, "How is my baby girl old enough to be leaving us?," to, "This is costing us WHAT??!!" Big weddings are complex beasts for sure--I think I had sticker-shock the entire year. So, during my full-time career as wedding planner last year, my personal motto for frustration-venting was, "If one more thing goes wrong, I'm goin' to jail for hotdog buns!" My husband and I would always laugh, and the motto worked nicely to bring lightness to heavy situations. Another one of my personal faves was, "If things don't improve quickly, the MOB is going AWOL." (MOB stands for "mother of the bride"). If you can't laugh, you're just grouchy--or worse, you cry. Might as well laugh. It supposedly causes less wrinkles.
I'd like to be able to say that the wedding day was perfect. But just as everyone warned me, there were glitches then, as well. The first big one was when I dumped scalding hot, WHITE candle wax down the front of my BLACK skirt and my arm at the church. We had just finished all the wedding photos after the ceremony (thank God), and were taking things down and packing them up to transport them to the reception hall (where we were going to reuse some of the decorations and all the flowers). Without thinking about the fact that the candles had been lit for nearly three hours, and in a big flurry (in true Steph form, that is), I blew out the two huge altar candles and grabbed them with the intent of packing them back in their boxes. As I did so, the scorching hot, VERY WHITE candle wax, that had pooled in an amount equivalent to two cups of wax, rolled down my arm and the entire front of my skirt. My friend, Christine, who was one of my bridal helpers that day, looked at my face, and said in a calm, but memorably comical tone, "We're not gonna freak out!!" She immediately gets another friend of mine to Google how to get candle wax out of fabric, and the next thing I know, they've whisked me downstairs to the bridal room, got me out of my skirt, and are magically lifting the candle wax out of it with a hot, dry iron and white tissue paper. It was incredible. Being stripped down to my Spanx panty hose on my daughter's wedding day in front of God and everyone sure wasn't in my dreamy, perfect plan for the day--I didn't see that one coming at all! But God was good. Watching my three card party friends rush around to take care of me was actually a really special blessing for me that day--I'll never forget it. And my skirt looked like nothing had even happened when they were finished. Also quite mysteriously, my arm, that should have had first degree burns on it, was totally fine. I had scraped a ton of the dried wax off of it, and there was not one sign that I had poured scalding hot wax on myself. God just sheltered me, helped me not to even flip out at all (which would be my normal reaction), and gave me three great friends to step up to the plate in my hour of need and rescue me. I marveled.
There were a few other issues that day. Nothing too major, and we handled it and moved on to enjoy the festivities. Overall, it was just the best day of all our lives--Matt and I still say that (as do Allie and Kale). I told myself in the hotel that morning while getting myself ready, "Steph, things aren't going to go perfectly, and it doesn't matter. This is Allie's day. You two have worked far too hard to not enjoy every second. So that is what you are going to do. You are going to relish, cherish, and treasure every second. Who cares if the church burns to the ground. 'This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!'" And I did. I felt so joyful that entire day that I recall the next day as we drove home, thinking and praying, "God, if you don't ever answer another prayer for me in my life, I am good. Anything else is just icing on the cake, pun intended (yes, I even attempt to be humorous with God). Allie marrying a Godly, pure man, and remaining pure herself for her wedding night, is all I need." And I meant it. I have never felt so content.
My lifelong prayers had been answered. My daughter's day had turned into the best day in our little family's history (and I didn't even need any sedatives or bourbon--joking, of course). It was the best feeling in the world though. My year of horror and stress with the wedding planning had paid off immensely. God had helped me pull it off. He had given me the strength and ability to do everything I had done--He even worked out the kinks when they occurred. We were able to enjoy a spectacularly special, joyful occasion, and what a celebration it was! I still have people say to me, "That was the nicest wedding we've ever attended," and, "I've never seen such a fun wedding dance--everyone had a blast at that wedding!" God is so good. Why did I not trust Him more in the valleys of it all? I am ashamed to admit that I slept so poorly last year, worrying about stupid things that weren't worthy of the strain I put on myself. Doubting my ability and strength to pull off that wedding. Doubting that it would be a grand day and live up to Allie's expectations. Doubting a lot of things. And God still came through for me though I doubted. I should never have fretted over any of those things, knowing the faithfulness of the One who provides and enables us to do everything we do. I love Him so much. He is faithful even when we are not. Praise be to God.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Letting Go
This past weekend, we went to stay with our only child and her new husband, and take advantage of the long Labor Day weekend to have some good quality time with them. It is always so completely enjoyable to be in their home--watching the precious daughter you raised function as a capable adult in the workings of her own home and life is extremely fulfilling. It was also quite a hoot to observe her and her man with their casual, comfortable love for one another, and to see them just enjoying their life with such humor and grace. They seem to have already found an easy groove in which to reside, thrive, and abide together in their new life. I found myself praising God for this and thanking Him, yet again, for bringing a Godly man, who loves our little girl more than himself, into her life. These are things you can pray for as a mother, but over which you really have little to no control.
I faithfully prayed for Allie to find the right husband with which to spend her life from her ripe old age of two until she got married last November. I vividly recall beginning a lengthy, detailed (if you can imagine that) prayer journal for her at that time. Allie had just begun her young "career" as a flower girl for various friends' and family members' weddings, and due to that, she would play "dress up bride" on nearly a daily basis. In fact, sewing her new bridal gowns, veils, and buying those cheap, silk floral bouquets was a common item on my motherly "do list" for nearly a decade. Having had her right before we went to college (not a recommended path in life, but do-able if you are committed and rely on God daily), Allie was really the only little girl in both our families, as well as amongst our group of college friends, for obvious reasons. So she was the favored choice for the role of, "flower girl" and, "junior bridesmaid" from ages two to ten. In fact, she served in that role nine times. Since she had attended and been a part of so many weddings, she was overly fascinated with the idea of being a bride and finding her own perfect groom one day. She would talk about it incessantly, wanted to be a bride every year for Halloween (which we cruelly only allowed one time in hopes of getting her off the obsession), and was planning her wedding at age five (and I mean, she was PLANNING it--sketching beautifully detailed weddings gowns that looked like she could have worked at Vogue Pattern Co., and literally lining out every detail)! As an exceptionally bright child (yes, I am bias, but she actually was--she gets that from her "gifted" father), and having been mostly around adults her entire life, Allie was a rather mature little girl at even age five. Her vocabulary and reading skills were off the chart, and this intelligence carried over into her role playing as, "wedding planner." As I reminisce about her skills at listing and discussing the details of a wedding at age five, I smile. It is pretty hilarious to hear a forty pound, quite opinionated five-year old, say, "Actually, my bridesmaids will wear gowns that are as beautiful as mine--I just don't believe in making bridesmaids look less pretty than the bride, because that is mean and selfish, right Mom?" I remember thinking this was exceptionally adorable (and quite wise)! But in all our discussions about weddings, I also recall having some fear and trepidation that my daughter was going to be obsessed with getting married and "having to have a man in her life." Perhaps that wouldn't work out for her or even be in God's plan, and I worried that her little fairy tale dreams would come crashing down one day. So I began to pray fervently for my little, "dress-up bride." I prayed specifically that God would give her the Godly man she would need in her life and that her wedding day would be a compilation of all she ever dreamed (and that we would be able to afford all the big ideas she had at such a young age)! But seriously, I was concerned. Though it was genuinely precious that she adamantly assumed at age two that she would find a man "just like daddy" to marry someday, I was fearful that it might not happen. When fear takes over you as a mother, you begin to pray. Fear can be a good catalyst for prayer, though we are told repeatedly by Christ to never be fearful. But as long as we turn it for good, it can be an effective motivator for sure.
So I prayed. I even prayed specifically that the family raising this young man would love Allie as if she were their own blood. I prayed for God's protection over Allie and her future little man--that God would shelter them both from loose, seductive people, and would give them each a heart to live a pure, devoted life for Christ and for their future spouses (because what parent desires STDs for their darling daughter?)! I even prayed that God would create a special bond for us with our future son and his family--that we would all be unified in Christ and feel totally comfortable with one another, as if we were one family. I also prayed that Allie's future husband would be all that she isn't--so that they could compensate for one another's weak areas (as Matt and I do so well, praise God). I prayed she would find someone like her daddy, as she would constantly declare she wanted (she even asked once if she could marry her daddy someday--sadly, I had to tell her, "no," that I'd kind of beat her to it)! I had to agree with her desire for it though--he is wonderful! Even at age two, I concurred that she needed to find a carbon copy (sharp cookie, she was).
Nothing pleases me more than to say that God is so faithful when we pray ceaselessly about something. I lifted up to Him my sincere concerns and wishes for my little girl, and He was faithful to answer the call on EVERY SINGLE SPECIFIC PRAYER ITEM that I prayed for her. He not only provided Allie with her dream wedding (which she verbatim told us it was, and for which she thanked us numerous times on her wedding day), but he blessed her with a man who is pretty much just like her daddy--maybe even better for her (sorry, honey)! God didn't stop there. We not only have a special bond with our son-in-law, but we absolutely adore his family and spending time with them. They are truly delightful people--just so genuinely easy and enjoyable with whom to spend time. They are a wonderful Christian family to boot, and his mother and I have so very much in common--we even both had kiddos very young in life. I seriously cannot think of one area in which God didn't provide and answer this fearful mother's prayers. In reading back through that old prayer journal of mine, it is seriously amazing how completely lavish God was in His response to my concerns. Allie will always be our little girl--and I have new prayer items for her in my current prayer journal. I will always have a list for God with regard to my little girl's life. But she has turned into a woman of God and is a great wife for her adoring husband, Kale. God is so good. He hears our prayers and He loves our kids more than we do. When we ask Him things that are in line with His character and wishes, He responds.
Spending the weekend in my daughter's home reminded me of the person she is, all on her own, in Christ. It reminded me of all I had to let go. First, I had to let go of my early fears that Allie's dreams for her life wouldn't come true or would go up in flames. I had to let go of the worry that she wouldn't find the right person for her life or that she would end up with a loser husband who would break her heart. I had to let go of the anxiety that maybe Matt and I weren't smart enough to know how to raise her properly so that she would make the right choices in her life. Last, I had to let her go. It is a hard thing to do, but once you give it all over to God, and realize you really have no control over any of it anyway, there is a freedom and a trust there unlike any other. God is trustworthy. We are really just stewards of our kids--in actuality, they belong to God, the Father of us all. They are on loan to us. When we do our best daily for them, all the while placing them in His hands, only then are we putting our beloved children in a sound spot. He is the best, ultimate guardian for them and their lives, period.
So my verses for today's topic are these: 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." And, Psalms 55:22, "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Essentially, these verses are commanding us to do one thing--PRAY. Besides seeking and working to do my best for my daughter, prayer is really the only source of strength and power I had as a mom. Just as the old saying goes, "Let go and let God."
I faithfully prayed for Allie to find the right husband with which to spend her life from her ripe old age of two until she got married last November. I vividly recall beginning a lengthy, detailed (if you can imagine that) prayer journal for her at that time. Allie had just begun her young "career" as a flower girl for various friends' and family members' weddings, and due to that, she would play "dress up bride" on nearly a daily basis. In fact, sewing her new bridal gowns, veils, and buying those cheap, silk floral bouquets was a common item on my motherly "do list" for nearly a decade. Having had her right before we went to college (not a recommended path in life, but do-able if you are committed and rely on God daily), Allie was really the only little girl in both our families, as well as amongst our group of college friends, for obvious reasons. So she was the favored choice for the role of, "flower girl" and, "junior bridesmaid" from ages two to ten. In fact, she served in that role nine times. Since she had attended and been a part of so many weddings, she was overly fascinated with the idea of being a bride and finding her own perfect groom one day. She would talk about it incessantly, wanted to be a bride every year for Halloween (which we cruelly only allowed one time in hopes of getting her off the obsession), and was planning her wedding at age five (and I mean, she was PLANNING it--sketching beautifully detailed weddings gowns that looked like she could have worked at Vogue Pattern Co., and literally lining out every detail)! As an exceptionally bright child (yes, I am bias, but she actually was--she gets that from her "gifted" father), and having been mostly around adults her entire life, Allie was a rather mature little girl at even age five. Her vocabulary and reading skills were off the chart, and this intelligence carried over into her role playing as, "wedding planner." As I reminisce about her skills at listing and discussing the details of a wedding at age five, I smile. It is pretty hilarious to hear a forty pound, quite opinionated five-year old, say, "Actually, my bridesmaids will wear gowns that are as beautiful as mine--I just don't believe in making bridesmaids look less pretty than the bride, because that is mean and selfish, right Mom?" I remember thinking this was exceptionally adorable (and quite wise)! But in all our discussions about weddings, I also recall having some fear and trepidation that my daughter was going to be obsessed with getting married and "having to have a man in her life." Perhaps that wouldn't work out for her or even be in God's plan, and I worried that her little fairy tale dreams would come crashing down one day. So I began to pray fervently for my little, "dress-up bride." I prayed specifically that God would give her the Godly man she would need in her life and that her wedding day would be a compilation of all she ever dreamed (and that we would be able to afford all the big ideas she had at such a young age)! But seriously, I was concerned. Though it was genuinely precious that she adamantly assumed at age two that she would find a man "just like daddy" to marry someday, I was fearful that it might not happen. When fear takes over you as a mother, you begin to pray. Fear can be a good catalyst for prayer, though we are told repeatedly by Christ to never be fearful. But as long as we turn it for good, it can be an effective motivator for sure.
So I prayed. I even prayed specifically that the family raising this young man would love Allie as if she were their own blood. I prayed for God's protection over Allie and her future little man--that God would shelter them both from loose, seductive people, and would give them each a heart to live a pure, devoted life for Christ and for their future spouses (because what parent desires STDs for their darling daughter?)! I even prayed that God would create a special bond for us with our future son and his family--that we would all be unified in Christ and feel totally comfortable with one another, as if we were one family. I also prayed that Allie's future husband would be all that she isn't--so that they could compensate for one another's weak areas (as Matt and I do so well, praise God). I prayed she would find someone like her daddy, as she would constantly declare she wanted (she even asked once if she could marry her daddy someday--sadly, I had to tell her, "no," that I'd kind of beat her to it)! I had to agree with her desire for it though--he is wonderful! Even at age two, I concurred that she needed to find a carbon copy (sharp cookie, she was).
Nothing pleases me more than to say that God is so faithful when we pray ceaselessly about something. I lifted up to Him my sincere concerns and wishes for my little girl, and He was faithful to answer the call on EVERY SINGLE SPECIFIC PRAYER ITEM that I prayed for her. He not only provided Allie with her dream wedding (which she verbatim told us it was, and for which she thanked us numerous times on her wedding day), but he blessed her with a man who is pretty much just like her daddy--maybe even better for her (sorry, honey)! God didn't stop there. We not only have a special bond with our son-in-law, but we absolutely adore his family and spending time with them. They are truly delightful people--just so genuinely easy and enjoyable with whom to spend time. They are a wonderful Christian family to boot, and his mother and I have so very much in common--we even both had kiddos very young in life. I seriously cannot think of one area in which God didn't provide and answer this fearful mother's prayers. In reading back through that old prayer journal of mine, it is seriously amazing how completely lavish God was in His response to my concerns. Allie will always be our little girl--and I have new prayer items for her in my current prayer journal. I will always have a list for God with regard to my little girl's life. But she has turned into a woman of God and is a great wife for her adoring husband, Kale. God is so good. He hears our prayers and He loves our kids more than we do. When we ask Him things that are in line with His character and wishes, He responds.
Spending the weekend in my daughter's home reminded me of the person she is, all on her own, in Christ. It reminded me of all I had to let go. First, I had to let go of my early fears that Allie's dreams for her life wouldn't come true or would go up in flames. I had to let go of the worry that she wouldn't find the right person for her life or that she would end up with a loser husband who would break her heart. I had to let go of the anxiety that maybe Matt and I weren't smart enough to know how to raise her properly so that she would make the right choices in her life. Last, I had to let her go. It is a hard thing to do, but once you give it all over to God, and realize you really have no control over any of it anyway, there is a freedom and a trust there unlike any other. God is trustworthy. We are really just stewards of our kids--in actuality, they belong to God, the Father of us all. They are on loan to us. When we do our best daily for them, all the while placing them in His hands, only then are we putting our beloved children in a sound spot. He is the best, ultimate guardian for them and their lives, period.
So my verses for today's topic are these: 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." And, Psalms 55:22, "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Essentially, these verses are commanding us to do one thing--PRAY. Besides seeking and working to do my best for my daughter, prayer is really the only source of strength and power I had as a mom. Just as the old saying goes, "Let go and let God."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Squelching the Lies
Yesterday I blogged about "zingers," envy, and how to deal with both. I hinted at the start of the post that it is easier to believe the bad stuff people say about us than it is to believe the good stuff. The bad stuff seems to ruminate and linger in our minds so much more effectively, as well. I'm not really sure why that is true, but I am guessing it has something to do with forgetting who we really are. Perhaps some of us don't even know who we are--and those of us who do easily forget who God created, designed and desires for us to be in Him.
We also don't often tell ourselves simple, positive things about who we are, let alone remind ourselves who we are in Christ. A moment in my mind would go something like this--I begin my day in the bathroom, freshening up and typically putting on my workout clothes to go run the lake, get to the gym, or both. While doing so I am thinking things like, "Gosh, I'd really like to just go back to bed. Everything hurts. Geez, I am such a wimp. Ah, man, is that another new grey hair? What the heck?! And why do I feel and look like I ate an entire pizza last night? Sheesh. It's official. I'm a whale. Just call me, 'Shamu!' Oh, mercy, another zit, too? Why do I have acne at 42 years of age?! Nice. So now I'm a pre-menopausal adolescent? Perfect."
Sound familiar? As you see, it doesn't come naturally to think or say positive things about ourselves, let alone going so far as to ponder and quote truths about who we are in Christ to ourselves. It seems to come more easily and naturally to be harder on ourselves than it is to build ourselves up about who we are really designed to be. The world has also sold us some nicely packaged lies, and we've bought them--repeatedly. We line up for them like it's Black Friday and they are the item everyone wants! But what we need to do is find the receipt and return them. Lies that tell us that our identity comes from our career and the success we have from it. Lies that tell us that our identity comes from the amount of money we make. That our image is based solely on how stylish, attractive, healthy, and fit we are. That our worth is founded on how big our house is, the kind of car we drive, how sound our retirement package is, and how large our financial holdings are. That our worth is only as high as the level of perfection in our marriage, kids, or family. That if we can't get everyone to love and accept us, the problem must reside with us. All of these things are not truly a part of who God created us to be--they are not who we really are. Of course, they can be blessings in our life when they are present (and curses when they are not). But because they aren't assured to us, lasting, or unchanging, they fail to live up to their image hype--sure, if you have all of those things personally, you can feel rather good about yourself and your life, in general. But take even one of them completely away, and your identity, if founded in any of these lies, can begin to suffer significantly.
So who are we? Who are we created and designed to be? What kinds of things should we be saying to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up in the mirror each morning? I found the perfect list (thank you, Joyce Meyer Ministries)! If you're like me, this list is far from the things you typically think about yourself (and far from what you say to yourself). But trust me, these things are truths from God's Word about who He created, designed, and desires for us to each individually be. Christ wants us to realize who we are in Him--that is, if we know Him and have asked Him into our hearts and lives (accepting His salvation for us through His death on the cross as payment for our sins). If we are His child, this is who we now are, period. You can either believe these unshakable truths or you can believe the shakable lies. It really boils down to what we want to believe. We have a daily choice.
Personally, I know that I'm going to have to keep this list handy. I am going to have to remind myself of these things regularly--they won't come naturally. Even reading down the list I found myself checking some of the passages and thinking, "Does it REALLY say that? Is that REALLY true???" Yes, I am a, "doubting Thomas," at times. I know it will take time to deprogram my mind to stop going to the negative, to stop doubting my own identity, and to start going to the truth and fully believing it. God doesn't care about the new zit on my face this morning--or the grey hairs. And if I know who I really am in Him, I better not care, either. Now...where's my Clearasil?!
KNOWING WHO I AM IN CHRIST
I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10).
I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).
I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).
I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).
I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).
I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).
I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).
I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).
I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17,18).
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues. I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17,18; Luke 10:17,19).
I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9,10).
I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38).
I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).
I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).
I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).
I am God’s child⎯for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).
I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).
I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I am a spirit being⎯alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).
I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).
I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22, 25).
I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).
I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).
I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3,4).
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).
I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).
I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I am the temple of the Holy Spirit; I am not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19).
I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).
I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).
I am His elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).
I am forgiven of all my sins and washed in the Blood (Ephesians 1:7).
I am delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).
I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).
I am firmly rooted, built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7).
I am called of God to be the voice of His praise (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).
I am healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).
I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12;).
I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).
I am strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11).
I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).
I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward (Philippians 3:14).
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20).
Copyright © 2008 Joyce Meyer Ministries, Inc.
We also don't often tell ourselves simple, positive things about who we are, let alone remind ourselves who we are in Christ. A moment in my mind would go something like this--I begin my day in the bathroom, freshening up and typically putting on my workout clothes to go run the lake, get to the gym, or both. While doing so I am thinking things like, "Gosh, I'd really like to just go back to bed. Everything hurts. Geez, I am such a wimp. Ah, man, is that another new grey hair? What the heck?! And why do I feel and look like I ate an entire pizza last night? Sheesh. It's official. I'm a whale. Just call me, 'Shamu!' Oh, mercy, another zit, too? Why do I have acne at 42 years of age?! Nice. So now I'm a pre-menopausal adolescent? Perfect."
Sound familiar? As you see, it doesn't come naturally to think or say positive things about ourselves, let alone going so far as to ponder and quote truths about who we are in Christ to ourselves. It seems to come more easily and naturally to be harder on ourselves than it is to build ourselves up about who we are really designed to be. The world has also sold us some nicely packaged lies, and we've bought them--repeatedly. We line up for them like it's Black Friday and they are the item everyone wants! But what we need to do is find the receipt and return them. Lies that tell us that our identity comes from our career and the success we have from it. Lies that tell us that our identity comes from the amount of money we make. That our image is based solely on how stylish, attractive, healthy, and fit we are. That our worth is founded on how big our house is, the kind of car we drive, how sound our retirement package is, and how large our financial holdings are. That our worth is only as high as the level of perfection in our marriage, kids, or family. That if we can't get everyone to love and accept us, the problem must reside with us. All of these things are not truly a part of who God created us to be--they are not who we really are. Of course, they can be blessings in our life when they are present (and curses when they are not). But because they aren't assured to us, lasting, or unchanging, they fail to live up to their image hype--sure, if you have all of those things personally, you can feel rather good about yourself and your life, in general. But take even one of them completely away, and your identity, if founded in any of these lies, can begin to suffer significantly.
So who are we? Who are we created and designed to be? What kinds of things should we be saying to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up in the mirror each morning? I found the perfect list (thank you, Joyce Meyer Ministries)! If you're like me, this list is far from the things you typically think about yourself (and far from what you say to yourself). But trust me, these things are truths from God's Word about who He created, designed, and desires for us to each individually be. Christ wants us to realize who we are in Him--that is, if we know Him and have asked Him into our hearts and lives (accepting His salvation for us through His death on the cross as payment for our sins). If we are His child, this is who we now are, period. You can either believe these unshakable truths or you can believe the shakable lies. It really boils down to what we want to believe. We have a daily choice.
Personally, I know that I'm going to have to keep this list handy. I am going to have to remind myself of these things regularly--they won't come naturally. Even reading down the list I found myself checking some of the passages and thinking, "Does it REALLY say that? Is that REALLY true???" Yes, I am a, "doubting Thomas," at times. I know it will take time to deprogram my mind to stop going to the negative, to stop doubting my own identity, and to start going to the truth and fully believing it. God doesn't care about the new zit on my face this morning--or the grey hairs. And if I know who I really am in Him, I better not care, either. Now...where's my Clearasil?!
KNOWING WHO I AM IN CHRIST
I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10).
I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).
I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).
I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).
I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).
I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).
I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).
I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).
I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17,18).
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues. I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17,18; Luke 10:17,19).
I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9,10).
I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38).
I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).
I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).
I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).
I am God’s child⎯for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).
I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).
I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I am a spirit being⎯alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).
I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).
I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22, 25).
I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).
I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).
I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3,4).
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).
I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).
I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).
I am the temple of the Holy Spirit; I am not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19).
I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).
I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).
I am His elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).
I am forgiven of all my sins and washed in the Blood (Ephesians 1:7).
I am delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).
I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).
I am firmly rooted, built up, established in my faith and overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7).
I am called of God to be the voice of His praise (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).
I am healed by the stripes of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).
I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12;).
I am greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).
I am strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11).
I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).
I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward (Philippians 3:14).
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20).
Copyright © 2008 Joyce Meyer Ministries, Inc.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Zapping the Zingers
Why is it that a person can receive numerous words of encouragement, love, and compliments throughout the week, but the comments that stick out are the negatives ones?! Sadly, these course, brash, abrasive remarks, (A.K.A., "zingers"), do not only present themselves from strangers or enemies. They are doled out to us at times via family or "friends" (I like to call them, "frenemies"). I do not profess to lay claim that I've never put my foot in my mouth or said things I didn't realize were hurtful to others. But the remarks I am talking about here are the flat out rude, unwarranted, and cruel comments dealt to us, often repeatedly, by people who should know better--people who profess to love us. People who know us and our weak spots well enough to fully realize that we are not going to appreciate their chosen remark(s).
In dealing with this problem repeatedly (typically with the same people), and discussing "zingers" with a couple of loyal, trustworthy friends, (as well as, with my husband, mother, daughter, and son-in-law, who happens to be in grad school studying Marriage & Family Therapy), I have come to solidify that the catalyst behind these hurtful comments is really one thing--jealousy. When the "green-eyed monster" rears its ugly head, there's really no limit to what can fall from a person's lips in your direction. It can catch you so off guard you can't even believe the person just said it. You find yourself hypothesizing about what it would take for you to be able to toss similar words their direction, and quickly realize you would have to become some other person (it would take a great deal of personal misery, meanness, and anger to even come close to their behavior). You also know that if you reciprocated their behavior back to them, they wouldn't take too kindly to it, either--it would perhaps even be, "the beginning of the end" of the relationship! Essentially, it becomes quite clear that this person is infected with the jealousy virus. They are trying to cure the pain from it by making you miserable, too.
Coupled with the jealousy, there is also a large source of discontentment in the life of the person who is dishing out the rude remarks. But even then, the main issue is jealousy because discontentment is a close cousin to it--the two travel together consistently. In fact, you can't have jealousy without discontentment. If a person is grateful and content with what God has given them in life, there is no need or desire to be jealous. But when they feel entitled to own another person's blessings or gifts, and discontent with their lot in life, that is when jealousy can become a serious issue. You know when someone is dealing with this because what comes out of their mouth is what is in their mind and heart. If they are throwing verbal nastiness your way, (and especially within areas you know they are jealous or struggling personally), you can bet that their mind and heart are in the gutter. They are not living the abundant life in Christ with a heart of kindness, love, and thankfulness. Greed, discontentment, and self-absorption are ruling them.
So what does a verbally abused person do upon realizing someone in their life is infected with jealousy? There are the obvious things--you can try to build them up by complimenting their abilities, blessings, and strengths. You can refrain from over-talking about your own blessings, so as not to fuel their fire--especially in the areas you know they are jealous, comparing, lacking, or trying to compete with you. You can shed light on joyful topics and say things that distract them from going to the negative. You can pray for them prior to spending time with them, asking God to come into their heart, and fill them with His love, thankfulness, and contentment. You can pray for grace, love, and wisdom for yourself to know how to handle them. You can then pray for God to show you for how long to deal with this issue (how long you should overlook it). If doing all these things does not work, and much time passes with the same results, then it is probably best to follow the suggestions given in the Word and stay away from them as much as possible. It is best to let God deal with them as He says He will.
Ephesians 5:3-7 states, "3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them." So it is clear that if someone is ungrateful, jealous, and tossing course remarks your way (zingers or "course joking"), you have a right to stay away from them and keep yourself clear of their wrath. I like to call this, "creating space." If someone is poisoning you with the venom of their words, you need to run and stay away from them as much as possible. Some would say you should and could use Matthew 18:15-17 on them, which states, 15 “If your brother or sister[b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." But I would argue that "zingers" are probably not worthy of the wrath you will face for pointing out their jealousy to them. That is a decision you can pray about in order to derive wisdom from God. But if you truly know the person and that they won't respond well to a Matthew 18 open discussion, it is best to just create some space.
Ephesians 4:29 states, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Again, we see here that we are told to use our words ONLY for the edification of others (not to tear down, make fun of, or "put someone in their place"). No one could argue that doling out zingers is of benefit to the recipient. Romans 14:19 says, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." This is another commandment that we are to edify and build-up others, not tear them down in order to build ourselves up. You can find repeated commandments along these lines. Obviously, the Good Lord knew we would need to be told this over and over again. Apparently, the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me," doesn't really hold true. No one really likes to be disrespected, made fun of, or attacked verbally--even people who profess to be tough-skinned. That stuff rolls around your head and replays like a broken record, and it just flat steals your joy! We can forgive others for their unkindness and we should--we are commanded to do so. But we don't really ever forget the cruel things they say about us or to us. We carry that stuff around like luggage!
In order to combat that problem, we have to look to God to remind us who we are in Him. We are His children, and when someone attacks us or tries to put us down, they are putting down a child of God. He is not going to take kindly to that. So we can feel sorry for the wrath they are about to face for their decision to spew venom our direction. It feels as if these people think they can get away with a quick, simple "zinger"--no harm, no foul. It especially feels this way when we just sit there and take it, not calling them out on it or reciprocating. But God's Word clearly says to the contrary in Galatians 6:7-8, "7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." So if they truly think they can get away with their hidden jealousy, they are mocking God. Good luck with that. God be with them if they keep plodding (and plotting) that path. It won't be a pleasant one for them, guaranteed. They will have to deal with the effects of their behavior from continuing to break trust with us (and more than likely, with others who they have also offended). They will miss out on closer fellowship time and relationships because of their behavior. We can also take some comfort knowing that they are already paying for the actions of their jealousy--what a miserable existence to be infected with something that God calls, "demonic," in His Word (see below).
One of the best ways to protect ourselves from the effects of envy is to fill our lives with people who edify us--people who live grateful, truly loving, joyful existences in Christ. We also need to shield ourselves from our own possible infection with envy by realizing we are all susceptible to it, and by maintaining a close walk of thankful fellowship with the Lord. Last, we must keep ourselves guarded from spending too much time with others who are infected with envy--it is contagious, and it brings doom and gloom. Just as the ol' song says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done." We have much reason to be content.
Here are some other great Scriptures on jealousy:
James 3:14-15, "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."
James 3:16, "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."
Galatians 5:19-21, "Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
Proverbs 27:4, "Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"
Proverbs 14:30, "A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."
Exodus 20:17, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's."
In dealing with this problem repeatedly (typically with the same people), and discussing "zingers" with a couple of loyal, trustworthy friends, (as well as, with my husband, mother, daughter, and son-in-law, who happens to be in grad school studying Marriage & Family Therapy), I have come to solidify that the catalyst behind these hurtful comments is really one thing--jealousy. When the "green-eyed monster" rears its ugly head, there's really no limit to what can fall from a person's lips in your direction. It can catch you so off guard you can't even believe the person just said it. You find yourself hypothesizing about what it would take for you to be able to toss similar words their direction, and quickly realize you would have to become some other person (it would take a great deal of personal misery, meanness, and anger to even come close to their behavior). You also know that if you reciprocated their behavior back to them, they wouldn't take too kindly to it, either--it would perhaps even be, "the beginning of the end" of the relationship! Essentially, it becomes quite clear that this person is infected with the jealousy virus. They are trying to cure the pain from it by making you miserable, too.
Coupled with the jealousy, there is also a large source of discontentment in the life of the person who is dishing out the rude remarks. But even then, the main issue is jealousy because discontentment is a close cousin to it--the two travel together consistently. In fact, you can't have jealousy without discontentment. If a person is grateful and content with what God has given them in life, there is no need or desire to be jealous. But when they feel entitled to own another person's blessings or gifts, and discontent with their lot in life, that is when jealousy can become a serious issue. You know when someone is dealing with this because what comes out of their mouth is what is in their mind and heart. If they are throwing verbal nastiness your way, (and especially within areas you know they are jealous or struggling personally), you can bet that their mind and heart are in the gutter. They are not living the abundant life in Christ with a heart of kindness, love, and thankfulness. Greed, discontentment, and self-absorption are ruling them.
So what does a verbally abused person do upon realizing someone in their life is infected with jealousy? There are the obvious things--you can try to build them up by complimenting their abilities, blessings, and strengths. You can refrain from over-talking about your own blessings, so as not to fuel their fire--especially in the areas you know they are jealous, comparing, lacking, or trying to compete with you. You can shed light on joyful topics and say things that distract them from going to the negative. You can pray for them prior to spending time with them, asking God to come into their heart, and fill them with His love, thankfulness, and contentment. You can pray for grace, love, and wisdom for yourself to know how to handle them. You can then pray for God to show you for how long to deal with this issue (how long you should overlook it). If doing all these things does not work, and much time passes with the same results, then it is probably best to follow the suggestions given in the Word and stay away from them as much as possible. It is best to let God deal with them as He says He will.
Ephesians 5:3-7 states, "3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them." So it is clear that if someone is ungrateful, jealous, and tossing course remarks your way (zingers or "course joking"), you have a right to stay away from them and keep yourself clear of their wrath. I like to call this, "creating space." If someone is poisoning you with the venom of their words, you need to run and stay away from them as much as possible. Some would say you should and could use Matthew 18:15-17 on them, which states, 15 “If your brother or sister[b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." But I would argue that "zingers" are probably not worthy of the wrath you will face for pointing out their jealousy to them. That is a decision you can pray about in order to derive wisdom from God. But if you truly know the person and that they won't respond well to a Matthew 18 open discussion, it is best to just create some space.
Ephesians 4:29 states, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Again, we see here that we are told to use our words ONLY for the edification of others (not to tear down, make fun of, or "put someone in their place"). No one could argue that doling out zingers is of benefit to the recipient. Romans 14:19 says, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." This is another commandment that we are to edify and build-up others, not tear them down in order to build ourselves up. You can find repeated commandments along these lines. Obviously, the Good Lord knew we would need to be told this over and over again. Apparently, the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me," doesn't really hold true. No one really likes to be disrespected, made fun of, or attacked verbally--even people who profess to be tough-skinned. That stuff rolls around your head and replays like a broken record, and it just flat steals your joy! We can forgive others for their unkindness and we should--we are commanded to do so. But we don't really ever forget the cruel things they say about us or to us. We carry that stuff around like luggage!
In order to combat that problem, we have to look to God to remind us who we are in Him. We are His children, and when someone attacks us or tries to put us down, they are putting down a child of God. He is not going to take kindly to that. So we can feel sorry for the wrath they are about to face for their decision to spew venom our direction. It feels as if these people think they can get away with a quick, simple "zinger"--no harm, no foul. It especially feels this way when we just sit there and take it, not calling them out on it or reciprocating. But God's Word clearly says to the contrary in Galatians 6:7-8, "7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." So if they truly think they can get away with their hidden jealousy, they are mocking God. Good luck with that. God be with them if they keep plodding (and plotting) that path. It won't be a pleasant one for them, guaranteed. They will have to deal with the effects of their behavior from continuing to break trust with us (and more than likely, with others who they have also offended). They will miss out on closer fellowship time and relationships because of their behavior. We can also take some comfort knowing that they are already paying for the actions of their jealousy--what a miserable existence to be infected with something that God calls, "demonic," in His Word (see below).
One of the best ways to protect ourselves from the effects of envy is to fill our lives with people who edify us--people who live grateful, truly loving, joyful existences in Christ. We also need to shield ourselves from our own possible infection with envy by realizing we are all susceptible to it, and by maintaining a close walk of thankful fellowship with the Lord. Last, we must keep ourselves guarded from spending too much time with others who are infected with envy--it is contagious, and it brings doom and gloom. Just as the ol' song says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done." We have much reason to be content.
Here are some other great Scriptures on jealousy:
James 3:14-15, "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."
James 3:16, "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."
Galatians 5:19-21, "Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
Proverbs 27:4, "Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"
Proverbs 14:30, "A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."
Exodus 20:17, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's."
Friday, August 31, 2012
Legalism Logistics
I spoke about legalism last week in my blog post entitled, "Legalism Loopholes." I hinted that I would probably be writing more about this topic at some point--guess I am already feeling led to it. This is a topic that can evoke a great deal of passion and emotion amongst people in the church. In fact, it is actually the catalyst for more church fights and divisions than anything else. It has never ceased to amaze me how prone we can be as people to want approval by others on nearly every matter in our lives (we are insecure at times), but how judgmental we can be to others who are not "doing it our way" (we try to transfer or deflect that insecurity). Actually, those who are critical of the way others live (when it comes to matters we are not called to judge--things that are not laid out as "sin"), are still exhibiting insecurity by trying to prove they are right and get a posse behind them to do things exactly as they do. As believers, we all agree that we are each uniquely designed by God, and we would all agree that we want to be who God made us especially to be. But when we transfer our judgements onto others for things we are not called to judge, we are basically saying we want everyone to live the same life, look the same, and do the same things.
Last Sunday, I had the fun privilege of being asked to sing a shortened rendition of Aretha Franklin's song, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T.," to set up a sermon on disrespect. The Head Pastor of our church requested it be sung to creatively set up the topic and our Music Director/Pastor offered the crazy op to me. Being a musician with a love of diverse music, I accepted with joy. But due to my former legalistic upbringing, I had a little fear and trepidation about it after agreeing. I found myself wondering if it would "offend" some in the congregation that I was singing a secular song from the 60's on the altar of God. I had to release that fear to God and trust that Pastor Jim knew what he was doing. He would have never gotten me to sing that song for church 13 years ago, so at least I'm making some progress, albeit slow!
As I touched on last week, I grew up in a strict Baptist church where legalism was never mentioned, but practiced religiously. It was one of those churches where pretty much anything "fun" was frowned upon (dancing, card playing, secular music, you name it)! Singing anything but hymns on Sunday for congregational singing would have been strictly forbidden and frowned upon, (and singing an Aretha Franklin song in church probably would have been viewed as a call for God to strike with lightening)! Over the years that I have been a believer, I have come to realize that the Christian walk is not always black and white. Though there are many sins clearly laid out as, "sin," in God's Word, there are many other issues of daily living that are not as clear, as Romans 14 discusses. I happen to believe wholeheartedly that this issue of music is one of these "grey areas." Obviously, you can find music out there that is clearly "worldy" and even "evil" by the lyrics alone. But I happen to think that most music is delightful and God-given. I do not believe you have to listen to Christian radio only to be a devout believer or to remain sinless. If I truly believed that, then I would have to also watch only Christian news programs, go to only Christian movies, view only Christian TV shows, purchase only goods from Christian businesses, and basically, never leave my house! (I am guessing that this would not be a very effective way to witness and minister for the cause of Christ)! Where does one draw the line? Once you start drawing these staunch, heavy lines of legalism the next thing you know you are completely surrounded, or worse you become hypocritical (you draw heavy lines in some areas and not others--and the lines don't all get drawn from the same argument in your "laws").
Much like watching TV shows, going to movies, watching the news, listening to music, or wearing stylish clothing, there are things we do in the world that could be viewed as, "worldly." Though clearly not "religious" or "Godly," these things are obviously not inherently evil or bad. I believe that God gave humans the creativity and intelligence to develop everything from technology to medications, and that usage of those innovations is many times a huge blessing and gift from God. But as Christians, we are taught in God's Word to be in the world and not of the world (John 17:14-16; Romans 12:2). This is where the grey areas come into play. As Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 10:23, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." In other words, there are some daily living issues that aren't inherently evil or sinful, but some of them may not bring anything good to your life or help build-up your life, either. Paul goes on about this in further detail in Romans 14 when he explains that each person in the faith will have different personal convictions in these "grey" areas, based upon their own strengths and weaknesses, and that it is okay to agree to disagree on these matters. It is up to everyone to decide privately for themselves in faith in the Lord.
When we try to put laws or restrictions on each other in these grey areas, we are instigating our own code of do's and don'ts (creating laws), and essentially "playing God" to other believers. This is legalism--it is a highly religious, pious belief that whatever I deduce as sin, is sinful for everyone. But God's Word says that there are some sins clearly defined as sin by Him, and some that are not (Romans 14). According to this passage, all believers in the body of Christ (the church), must decide for themselves in these undefined areas--they must decide whether they feel they are sinless and "free" to partake of that particular area or not.
One of the grey areas that I didn't begin to view as "grey" until about 10 years ago is drinking. Growing up being told in church (and by other legalistic believers) that any consumption of alcohol was sinful, it was a hard area for me to rethink. I believed (and still do) that alcohol is one of the biggest pitfalls into which the enemy lures people, and having come from a family with some struggles in this area, I found it easier and better to abstain, especially while having my young, impressionable daughter living under my roof for so many years. I not only feared that I might possess the hereditary predisposition to have issues with alcohol, but I also wanted to be a good example to my daughter in case she would happen to have that gene. But I have heard leaders in the church twist God's Word to suit their personal position on drinking by taking Scripture out of context to make drinking an actual "sin." The verses in the Bible that speak to "strong drink" or alcohol, all state clearly that drunkenness is the sin, not drinking. They warn against strong drink, but you will not find a passage that says, "Thou shalt not drink any strong drink." Even Jesus turned water into wine to help some friends who had run out at their wedding celebration. If drinking wine was a sin, then Jesus, who was perfect and sinless, wouldn't have obliged and worked a miracle to make more wine for his friends. We also read about Paul telling Timothy to drink some wine for his stomach issues (1 Timothy 5:23). So we clearly see that drinking is not sinful when done so with caution and respectful reasoning. This is true for a lot of things in life--moderation and careful consideration are essential (gluttony can also cause severe health issues, and that doesn't make food inherently evil).
There are not only many grey issues in the Christian walk, but these matters also create many varying levels of conviction from believer to believer. Some Christians feel that attending R-rated movies is where they draw the line--period. Others may feel that the rating isn't the defining line for them. They may base their sinless freedom on seeing an R-rated film by the type of film it is--if it is an Oscar-nominated film with an excellent plot and deeper contextual meaning, they may feel completely non-convicted about seeing it. God may convict one person that a grey area would be bad or sinful for them and NOT convict another believer in the same area. This has to do with personal convictions and individual weakness/strength, not Biblical convictions (Biblical ones are true for everyone--they deal with clearly stated sin issues in the Word). I have a friend whose husband does not go to public swimming pools because he is personally such an overly visual guy, that he finds himself constantly sinning mentally while he is there. So it is better for him to not even go to the pool. How sad it would be if he transferred his own personal conviction and need to abstain from the pool onto my husband and ruined my husband's God-given freedom to go swim some laps. We all have different weaknesses and strengths, and God deals with us each accordingly.
Pastor Jim, our current head pastor, preached a sermon series 12-13 years ago on legalism using Romans 14. He coined these different convictions as, "per-cos" and "Bib-cos" (personal convictions and Biblical convictions). We were new to this particular church when he preached this series, and I recall being shocked and horrified at the things he was stating because they were in such stark contrast to the things I had been taught my whole life. (But I also recall being unable to find Scripture to support my long-held positions on these grey matters). I went so far as to set up an appointment to speak directly with him about this sermon topic. Upon that meeting, Pastor Jim graciously explained further the notion of personal vs. Biblical convictions, based on Romans 14. It made sense, but I still had some thinking to do in my processing of it all (it takes time to undo years of wrong information). I had gone into his office quite upset and convinced that I was going to disprove his opinion, and he kindly shared truth with me and just let it marinate. This spoke volumes to me--Pastor Jim understood not only from where I was coming, but He knew the Truth of the Word would eventually reign supreme. He knew I would either have to accept that Truth or not (and he wasn't going to get all riled up about it--he knew God was in control of my thoughts and beliefs). He didn't try to "win" and he didn't attack me for my incorrect Bible applications and previously held staunch beliefs. The sensitive, honest attitude that he exhibited was very refreshing to me--quite different than the direct, harsh, "do or die" attitudes I had so often seen in legalistic believers during my formative and earlier young adult years.
Honestly, and at the risk of offending someone, I am happy that God has blurred some of the ridiculous legalistic lines that I had drawn around myself for so many years. It is truly freeing to see that so much of which we yell "foul" is just senseless. I do fully realize that perhaps God has blurred some of my legalistic lines because I have spent 33 years being a Christian, and am now in a season of life where I have the luxury to not need to be quite so rigid (I do not have children in my home watching my every move for whom I need to be extra cautious). When we are responsible for youngsters, we need lots of lines and lots of guarded living (the world will already blur many lines for them in their life, so we have to pick our battles and lean on God's understanding for where to place those lines).
So I see now that the enemy uses legalism to keep unbelievers from the truth (they view Christianity as, "no fun" and, "too strict or rigid," and they just avoid everything to do with God and His Truth due to that). I believe the enemy also uses legalism to keep churches from grace and from growth. He enhances a "God-complex" in people who are supposed to be more concerned with love and grace than they are about laying down their own law and shaming their fellow believers. When this occurs, churches not only suffer a huge void of grace, but they can actually become a "dead" church due to it. I have also seen first-hand how legalism destroys communication and honesty in a church body. When people feel they will be ridiculed or judged for their personal convictions (or lack thereof), they hide things from their brothers and sisters in Christ which they shouldn't have to hide. My mother used to feel she had to hide that we were avid card players and that we had a devout love of all kinds of music in our family. This "hiding" of things that aren't inherently sinful actually creates a feeling of sinfulness in the people partaking of them, even if they didn't have a conviction about originally. It is a tangled web of hypocrisy and dishonesty spun by the legalists in the church for power and self-gain, and it spins out of control until people get hurt. I have spent years trying to mentally "undo" this web in my own mind.
Balance and much prayer are required in not only committing ourselves to a life not conformed by the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2), but also a life not founded on piety and graceless finger-pointing. Romans 14:13 states, "Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block OR obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." We see here that we are not to be so loose in our "freedoms in Christ" that we drag other, weaker believers down the primrose path to things that would be sinful for them. But we are also not to be so pious, self-righteous and hypocritical that we concern ourselves with condemning our fellow believers for things about which they have been given different personal convictions and are not sinful of which to partake. I think Romans 14:19 & 22 sum it up nicely: "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves."
Last Sunday, I had the fun privilege of being asked to sing a shortened rendition of Aretha Franklin's song, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T.," to set up a sermon on disrespect. The Head Pastor of our church requested it be sung to creatively set up the topic and our Music Director/Pastor offered the crazy op to me. Being a musician with a love of diverse music, I accepted with joy. But due to my former legalistic upbringing, I had a little fear and trepidation about it after agreeing. I found myself wondering if it would "offend" some in the congregation that I was singing a secular song from the 60's on the altar of God. I had to release that fear to God and trust that Pastor Jim knew what he was doing. He would have never gotten me to sing that song for church 13 years ago, so at least I'm making some progress, albeit slow!
As I touched on last week, I grew up in a strict Baptist church where legalism was never mentioned, but practiced religiously. It was one of those churches where pretty much anything "fun" was frowned upon (dancing, card playing, secular music, you name it)! Singing anything but hymns on Sunday for congregational singing would have been strictly forbidden and frowned upon, (and singing an Aretha Franklin song in church probably would have been viewed as a call for God to strike with lightening)! Over the years that I have been a believer, I have come to realize that the Christian walk is not always black and white. Though there are many sins clearly laid out as, "sin," in God's Word, there are many other issues of daily living that are not as clear, as Romans 14 discusses. I happen to believe wholeheartedly that this issue of music is one of these "grey areas." Obviously, you can find music out there that is clearly "worldy" and even "evil" by the lyrics alone. But I happen to think that most music is delightful and God-given. I do not believe you have to listen to Christian radio only to be a devout believer or to remain sinless. If I truly believed that, then I would have to also watch only Christian news programs, go to only Christian movies, view only Christian TV shows, purchase only goods from Christian businesses, and basically, never leave my house! (I am guessing that this would not be a very effective way to witness and minister for the cause of Christ)! Where does one draw the line? Once you start drawing these staunch, heavy lines of legalism the next thing you know you are completely surrounded, or worse you become hypocritical (you draw heavy lines in some areas and not others--and the lines don't all get drawn from the same argument in your "laws").
Much like watching TV shows, going to movies, watching the news, listening to music, or wearing stylish clothing, there are things we do in the world that could be viewed as, "worldly." Though clearly not "religious" or "Godly," these things are obviously not inherently evil or bad. I believe that God gave humans the creativity and intelligence to develop everything from technology to medications, and that usage of those innovations is many times a huge blessing and gift from God. But as Christians, we are taught in God's Word to be in the world and not of the world (John 17:14-16; Romans 12:2). This is where the grey areas come into play. As Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 10:23, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify." In other words, there are some daily living issues that aren't inherently evil or sinful, but some of them may not bring anything good to your life or help build-up your life, either. Paul goes on about this in further detail in Romans 14 when he explains that each person in the faith will have different personal convictions in these "grey" areas, based upon their own strengths and weaknesses, and that it is okay to agree to disagree on these matters. It is up to everyone to decide privately for themselves in faith in the Lord.
When we try to put laws or restrictions on each other in these grey areas, we are instigating our own code of do's and don'ts (creating laws), and essentially "playing God" to other believers. This is legalism--it is a highly religious, pious belief that whatever I deduce as sin, is sinful for everyone. But God's Word says that there are some sins clearly defined as sin by Him, and some that are not (Romans 14). According to this passage, all believers in the body of Christ (the church), must decide for themselves in these undefined areas--they must decide whether they feel they are sinless and "free" to partake of that particular area or not.
One of the grey areas that I didn't begin to view as "grey" until about 10 years ago is drinking. Growing up being told in church (and by other legalistic believers) that any consumption of alcohol was sinful, it was a hard area for me to rethink. I believed (and still do) that alcohol is one of the biggest pitfalls into which the enemy lures people, and having come from a family with some struggles in this area, I found it easier and better to abstain, especially while having my young, impressionable daughter living under my roof for so many years. I not only feared that I might possess the hereditary predisposition to have issues with alcohol, but I also wanted to be a good example to my daughter in case she would happen to have that gene. But I have heard leaders in the church twist God's Word to suit their personal position on drinking by taking Scripture out of context to make drinking an actual "sin." The verses in the Bible that speak to "strong drink" or alcohol, all state clearly that drunkenness is the sin, not drinking. They warn against strong drink, but you will not find a passage that says, "Thou shalt not drink any strong drink." Even Jesus turned water into wine to help some friends who had run out at their wedding celebration. If drinking wine was a sin, then Jesus, who was perfect and sinless, wouldn't have obliged and worked a miracle to make more wine for his friends. We also read about Paul telling Timothy to drink some wine for his stomach issues (1 Timothy 5:23). So we clearly see that drinking is not sinful when done so with caution and respectful reasoning. This is true for a lot of things in life--moderation and careful consideration are essential (gluttony can also cause severe health issues, and that doesn't make food inherently evil).
There are not only many grey issues in the Christian walk, but these matters also create many varying levels of conviction from believer to believer. Some Christians feel that attending R-rated movies is where they draw the line--period. Others may feel that the rating isn't the defining line for them. They may base their sinless freedom on seeing an R-rated film by the type of film it is--if it is an Oscar-nominated film with an excellent plot and deeper contextual meaning, they may feel completely non-convicted about seeing it. God may convict one person that a grey area would be bad or sinful for them and NOT convict another believer in the same area. This has to do with personal convictions and individual weakness/strength, not Biblical convictions (Biblical ones are true for everyone--they deal with clearly stated sin issues in the Word). I have a friend whose husband does not go to public swimming pools because he is personally such an overly visual guy, that he finds himself constantly sinning mentally while he is there. So it is better for him to not even go to the pool. How sad it would be if he transferred his own personal conviction and need to abstain from the pool onto my husband and ruined my husband's God-given freedom to go swim some laps. We all have different weaknesses and strengths, and God deals with us each accordingly.
Pastor Jim, our current head pastor, preached a sermon series 12-13 years ago on legalism using Romans 14. He coined these different convictions as, "per-cos" and "Bib-cos" (personal convictions and Biblical convictions). We were new to this particular church when he preached this series, and I recall being shocked and horrified at the things he was stating because they were in such stark contrast to the things I had been taught my whole life. (But I also recall being unable to find Scripture to support my long-held positions on these grey matters). I went so far as to set up an appointment to speak directly with him about this sermon topic. Upon that meeting, Pastor Jim graciously explained further the notion of personal vs. Biblical convictions, based on Romans 14. It made sense, but I still had some thinking to do in my processing of it all (it takes time to undo years of wrong information). I had gone into his office quite upset and convinced that I was going to disprove his opinion, and he kindly shared truth with me and just let it marinate. This spoke volumes to me--Pastor Jim understood not only from where I was coming, but He knew the Truth of the Word would eventually reign supreme. He knew I would either have to accept that Truth or not (and he wasn't going to get all riled up about it--he knew God was in control of my thoughts and beliefs). He didn't try to "win" and he didn't attack me for my incorrect Bible applications and previously held staunch beliefs. The sensitive, honest attitude that he exhibited was very refreshing to me--quite different than the direct, harsh, "do or die" attitudes I had so often seen in legalistic believers during my formative and earlier young adult years.
Honestly, and at the risk of offending someone, I am happy that God has blurred some of the ridiculous legalistic lines that I had drawn around myself for so many years. It is truly freeing to see that so much of which we yell "foul" is just senseless. I do fully realize that perhaps God has blurred some of my legalistic lines because I have spent 33 years being a Christian, and am now in a season of life where I have the luxury to not need to be quite so rigid (I do not have children in my home watching my every move for whom I need to be extra cautious). When we are responsible for youngsters, we need lots of lines and lots of guarded living (the world will already blur many lines for them in their life, so we have to pick our battles and lean on God's understanding for where to place those lines).
So I see now that the enemy uses legalism to keep unbelievers from the truth (they view Christianity as, "no fun" and, "too strict or rigid," and they just avoid everything to do with God and His Truth due to that). I believe the enemy also uses legalism to keep churches from grace and from growth. He enhances a "God-complex" in people who are supposed to be more concerned with love and grace than they are about laying down their own law and shaming their fellow believers. When this occurs, churches not only suffer a huge void of grace, but they can actually become a "dead" church due to it. I have also seen first-hand how legalism destroys communication and honesty in a church body. When people feel they will be ridiculed or judged for their personal convictions (or lack thereof), they hide things from their brothers and sisters in Christ which they shouldn't have to hide. My mother used to feel she had to hide that we were avid card players and that we had a devout love of all kinds of music in our family. This "hiding" of things that aren't inherently sinful actually creates a feeling of sinfulness in the people partaking of them, even if they didn't have a conviction about originally. It is a tangled web of hypocrisy and dishonesty spun by the legalists in the church for power and self-gain, and it spins out of control until people get hurt. I have spent years trying to mentally "undo" this web in my own mind.
Balance and much prayer are required in not only committing ourselves to a life not conformed by the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2), but also a life not founded on piety and graceless finger-pointing. Romans 14:13 states, "Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block OR obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." We see here that we are not to be so loose in our "freedoms in Christ" that we drag other, weaker believers down the primrose path to things that would be sinful for them. But we are also not to be so pious, self-righteous and hypocritical that we concern ourselves with condemning our fellow believers for things about which they have been given different personal convictions and are not sinful of which to partake. I think Romans 14:19 & 22 sum it up nicely: "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves."
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